Heart Matters

I have recently become single again.

I know, when break ups occur there are usually tears, hurt feelings, why's and why not's.

There can be blame and anger... and some more blame.

Depending on the situation there is moving in or moving out

leaving or being left.

There can also be an eerie silence that starts to surround your whole being as the

energy of the relationship is released, and your

heart begins the process

of mending.

I feel it is the eerie silence that gets most people.

Silence...

Not the business of taking care of another

or the wondering about this and that within the context of relationship.

No more filtering words, no more stretching to fill a space that 

most people hope a love will fill.

I guess as I move through releasing relationships it becomes more and more clear to me

that love always is...

there are no take backsies.

There is no "now that we are done I take back every smile, touch, embrace and word

I uttered to you."

There is just the silence of the truth

that this thing just didn't work out.

And if we are really honest with ourselves 

that happens to us everyday.

Driving down the street, or a conversation with a family member or co-worker,

a bid on e-bay, missing a sale at your favorite store,

or someone taking the very last of the one thing you really wanted.

I'm choosing not to make the mistake of thinking or feeling that

the not working out has anything to do with me as a lover,

friend, sweetheart, or spirit.  Just as I would not believe that I was less of a person because

froyoz ran out of Georgia Peach yogurt.

Now don't get me wrong I am examining myself as a lover and sweetheart; I believe that is

very healthy and worthy of searching my heart.

It is always the well-meaners that come soon after and say things like "I hope you will wait to start a new relationship." and "I think you need time alone."

I say thank you to those of you who have come forward with love and sweetness

to help me remember that I must take care of myself.

Also, I remind myself,

that I can only love and grow in love as much

as I am willing to have my heart cracked open.

It is only with understanding of 

the ways of love, my views of love, and the seeming loss of love

that I have found an ability to believe in love.

Each time it appears my heart is broken I 

am beginning to notice less pain and far more joy.

I am learning to love at deeper levels

and honestly

what can be a kinder gift to give myself than to choose to be certain that I

have been made to love and be loved...

one way or the other.

What can be a kinder gift to your departing partner than to meet them with grace and understanding

and forgo blame and pain?

After all no one ever means to hurt the one they love...

Most people only want to feel loved too.

Why can I not choose to end a relationship

in the same energy that it started?

The energy of Love.