Saturday, August 7, 2010

The new arrival!

3 more days until I return to the world of working a full time job. The last two months have consisted of continuous and sometimes arduous planning for the relocation of myself and my family to Lakeland Florida, let alone the sheer brute strength of mind, heart, body, and soul that accompanies any move of house and home.

I have been planning the relocation of my world for over a year now. Planning for the move, the job, the family, and to re-introduce my Border Collie Australian Shepard mix, Sadie; back into my daily life. I left her with my ex 3 years ago when I relocated my family across town, we couldn’t have dogs at the time. Our agreement was that Sadie would come to be with me when I was able to have pets again. I have to say I had been eagerly awaiting her daily smile!

As the time came near my ex had other ideas about surrendering my dog to me and in the end, I hate to say it, Sadie is not living here in my home with me. I had a very hard time at first dealing with what I perceived to be someone that went back on a promise. I felt betrayed, used, and ultimately lied to; but as many people say exes are exes for a reason. I consulted my good friend Kumari of who works with Reiki and Animal Communication. I wanted to know where Sadie stood with the decisions that were being made around her.

Through the session it was clear that Sadie considered me her mother and also had a tie to my ex as she felt she was needed to help with healing in her current home. She lacked the ability to make a decision between two people. Sadie is not a Pack Leader dog, she is a follower and the concept of choosing for herself confounded her. Currently Sadie lives in a home with 7 other animals. My hope had been to have her with me as the only four-legged pet in my home, (even though I had been feeling and seeing a puppy and Sadie together for a few months before the move) so that her last years she would feel comfortably dotted on. I figured the puppy would come in a year or two after she had been here with my family for a while and we had shared many fun adventures together.

My perception of what I found to be a better option for her really fell flat when my ex said that Sadie would not be living with me. Just for today do not anger flew right out the window as I attempted to make sense of what was happening. I was certain that Sadie was going to be here with me, why on Earth would someone keep a dog that was not theirs? Alas she is here in Spirit certainly, and she did come for a field trip with me once before I moved so she could see where we would be living.

In the end I have found some peace because I believe that she is in no danger, her life is not the optimal life of a dog like her, she certainly does not get many field trips or adequate exercise, but she is needed and loved and I can finally find a place to begin to forgive myself for leaving her there in the first place, there had been other options when I left 3 years ago, but an agreement was made and I trusted that agreement. 1st lesson is get things in writing!

Moving right along… now we are here in Lakeland. My desire to share my life with one of the canine species was still strong as I was grappling with my disappointment and sadness. In walks the universe!

I took a trip to the local SPCA to just look at dogs; I really wasn’t set on getting one right away. I was set on finding a puppy that would be soft like Sadie with the same kind of quiet regal gentleness that she has. There were not many puppies there that day, apparently it was cat season, I kept seeing a puppy running past the door at the end of the hallway and I said to myself “No, that is a gladiator dog; it couldn’t be the puppy that is calling me.” I glanced at the dogs in the cages but still felt myself pulled to visit with the sweet energy that was utterly oblivious to me outside that glass door.

I made my way to the back door and requested to meet the pup that was outside with one of the volunteers. I got down on the ground and called the little guy over to me. It was evident that this little guy had quite a full and open-heart energy. He seemed eager to please, and I even felt the same type of gentle energy that resides within Sadie. He was calm when I lifted him into the air. He was bright eyed and his coat was soft. Before I knew it I had fallen helplessly for this sweet little gladiator. My roommate hung back watching as the minutes unfolded and began to realize that yes indeed this was the pup that would be joining the household.

I spent quite awhile outside with him trying to talk myself out of what I felt was going to happen next. We were told that this little guy had been brought in on a truck just a day before from Louisiana, a casualty of the need that the Gulf Oil Spill has caused, animals are being shipped to nearby states so that the SPCA’s in Louisiana could keep up with the demand they are now facing. I was handed his papers and I decided that before I actually made the decision to adopt this little gladiator I would give the grown animals a try.

We walked down the row of adult dogs that were there, although some were precious and beautiful, no one captured my attention or engaged my heart energy the way my little gladiator did. I promptly found the people I needed to and I filled out the paperwork to adopt him. I was not allowed to take him home that day, he needed to have his Gentleman’s surgery, so we spent the evening gearing up for his home-coming which included a trip to the bookstore to find a book on puppy rearing written by my idol Cesar Millan.

In hindsight a few things have become clear to me, no matter what we perceive, life unfolds the way it unfolds, we have no control. It is how we handle each challenge and disappointment that counts. My choice not to fight over Sadie, to let go of control, hurt, and heart pain that has nothing to do with her but has everything to do with the relationship my ex and I had, allows me to enjoy the spiritual relationship I have and always will have with Sadie. It also allows me to heal on even deeper levels from a relationship that hadn’t been working for years and years. It has given me the ability to understand that had Sadie come to live here from the beginning of this relocation journey, my little gladiator might end up in the hands of someone that would possibly not be as responsible or as prepared to handle his specific breed.

Sometimes I have the idea to apply Reiki to the situations in my life wanting the outcome to be the thing I desire, sometimes it is easy to forget that there is a universal plan that flows for everyone’s highest and best good in the midst of disappointment. In my life I have held the belief that everything happens for a reason for so very long that the change in plans regarding Sadie has allowed me to sober up some. To surrender to the flow of my life, and to allow myself to be happily surprised and awed about how things unfold in the perfect timing for me right now, is a breath of fresh air that I have been wishing for. Besides, who is to say that Sadie may come to live with me after all… only time will tell.

And, now I would like to introduce to you to my little gladiator!