Friday, November 27, 2009

Loving what was, and is, and will be!

Here we are again... Thanks-giving just hours past and Christmas comming round the bend. Here we are rushing, laughing, playing, creating, cleaning, living... Here we are.

The New year is the most incredible day for me. I prepare in the wee months of each year to welcome in an even better year then ever before. I have spent many years cutting magazine pictures for the vision board of the comming year, hours of meditation, prayful reading, soulful journaling... even some lucious chocoholic activity seems to sneek in.

This year is even more poiniant for me. I am starting this year alone. For the first year since 1996 I am a single woman. That is not to say that I dont have loves in my life or even lovers... people that love and adore me... people I love and adore, but this year I am not tied down to the identity of being the other half of a relationship... or a committment... I am just me... This year I am committed to being wholeness... or halfness... or in a relationship with myself that I intend will bedazzle and electrify self love... self adoration... a lucious and juicy loving of myself the way only I can give to me. This year I inted that I will not only allow myself to meet my needs but I will enjoy the path with my lovers, loves, friends, family... but most of all with my solitude... with myself.

I have been incredibly lucky to have found this fabulous artist and I wanted to share her work with you. This is how I see loving of others and of myself... the energy moving around and through me. This is how I believe it should be... how I know it to be... These illustrate the incredible world of energy loving and healing....

ARTIST is: Julia Watkins

Breathing Reiki into my being through my energetic centers I am open to this new year and to the ending of what has pasting... Breathing and moving energy through my body and my heart center I am thankful for all the lovers, and all the love that have always filled my life and I so look forward to the even deeper and more inspiring life that is unfolding even as I write this.

I can't wait to share even more... freedom!

Thursday, November 12, 2009

The Hermit

The archetype of the Hermit has been with me since I was very young.

Perhaps it was the distance that was created by a mother that was not completely whole. Perhaps it was the underlying expectation of perfection and constant striving to prove she was better than those around her, simply because she felt so lost within... so utterly useless and meaningless. Perhaps her own upbringing with a distant mother and alcoholic father created the holes within her that she strived to fill with the appearance of being perfect... of having it all. Finally, when my mother really met her children and realized there was an individuation process that didn't really fit into her idea of how life should "look", her idea that children should be seen and not heard and always do what she wanted them to, perhaps it was that moment that the Hermit came to me.

It was in my very formative years that I understood that my comfort and safety did not come from my own mother... that I had to look elsewhere... it began the lifetime lesson of lacking trust in those people outside myself. Very young I retreated within myself to a world filled with psychic abilities, the realm of the Fey, to a world that illustrated what was unseen was more real and evident to me than what words fell from the lips of mere mortals, or what i could see with my own two eyes.

As my life unfolded I kept my own counsel. Yet I also wanted so badly to be loved that I put myself in many dangerous situations. I never felt that I was worthy of this world. I felt different, broken, and wrong. I spent time alone... even when I surrounded myself with other people. I had become so adept at reading the energies around others and being what they wanted me to be, that I never had to feel as though they could see my pain and lack of worth, I learned to be a safe and strong place for the people that I loved. Knowing for them that they were completely worth the time and energy I was spending... knowing that they deserved to feel whole and safe, yet somehow I never felt met... all my hoping and knowing took a back seat to their own lack of ability to step beyond their boundaries and pain. The Hermit has always whispered in my ear... keeping to myself... keeping my own counsel... taking time away from the world to stop the feeling of rawness that being with other people had seemed to cause me to feel.

The shadow principles of the Hermit are to hide and be anti-social just to keep you safe.
As I have grown through my years... I have come to the precipice of learning my worth many times. Coming to the logical reasons that I "should" love myself, the Hermit is the part of my archetypel community that I take solace in. Giving myself time to hear my own thoughts... and I honor this. Also, I have had the great and wonderful opportunity to embrace a beautiful community of friends that have become a much kinder mirror than the keeping of my own counsel can be at times.
Even so I found myself waking up in the throes of feelings of fear this morning. Fear of my individuality, fear of my spirituality, fear that my talents are wasted working a 9-5 job.... fear of everything that is and is not happening in my life right now. I had a moment of such pristine reality when I began to dutifully question myself about the voices screaming at me of my incompetance, that my breath held still within and without me. It was a moment of clarity unlike any I have had in quite awhile... and in the yawning chasm of fear that threatened to swallow me up whole, I realized that I am still finding a way to love and accept myself. Layer by layer.
All these years of knowing the worth of strangers, clients, family, and co-workers; I am still uncovering my own worth layer by layer. As I continuously dismantle archaic thought patterns and behaviors that have long ago ceased to be important to anyone but my own ego, I have thought that I am oh so much further along than I had been. The Hermit was there, enticing me into that safe place hidden behind a waterfall of healing waters. To the safe cave within me that gives me rest and serenity... the one place where my thoughts, emotions, and spirit can rest... the place where eternal truth dwells because I am silent enough, still enough, sacred enough to become available to my own connection with divinity.

The hermit archetype has been my friend, my mentor and my security for many years and I honor that archetype for it's shadow self and for it's brilliant shining light. I honor the silence that The Hermit reminds me to take within myself to become centered and clear in my experience of life and divinity. I honor the knowledge and energy of this archetype within my life. I also honor the moment when the Hermit backs away from me encouraging me to feel the sun on my face again and experience life with more zeal and acceptance than ever before.
Each journey into the sacred cave brings more beauty and awareness and a greater yearning to become that which I so readily see in others. To recognize and feel the eternal light that shines within my own soul... that is my journey today... tomorrow.... on and on... eternal.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

As if no one had ever touched her before...

Imagine if you can a brilliant love affair with beauty, sweetness, innocence, loyalty, and unyielding love. A relationship so pure of intention, so genuinely connected that it dwarfs any challenge in it's path. Now imagine that you are in that precious relationship... imagine if you can, allowing your divine goodness to shine in any relationship you have; unhindered by any pain, hurt, or frustration.

It seems that I have so many different directions to go with this months writing that I may just not know where to begin. Perhaps that is the best place to begin. It is so very easy these days to be pulled away from listening to our own intuition and connection to Spirit with the responsibilities that loom around the corner. The holidays and activities of daily living can require so much energy as we juggle the weight of our world and everyone else's too.
I have to say that Reiki is my blessing and my great teacher as October has been a month full of challenges and opportunities for growth. My daily practice of Reiki does give me a stable center to build my life and thoughts around. I will be forever grateful for that gift.

This month I wanted to make an offering to you. I am asking you to get a little out of your comfort zone and really choose to see yourself and your precious heart if you can. Whether you are a Reiki practitioner or not, doing mirror exercises can assist you in building intimacy and compassion for yourself.

Often we have more compassion for a stranger than we do for our own hearts. Your challenge if you wish to accept it is to get in front of a mirror. A mirror large enough that you can see yourself, that you can really notice yourself and all aspects about you. Your eyes, hair, your shape, your hands.... everything.

So often we want attention from our families and lovers, living our lives wishing to be seen, or at least feel as though we are being seen... that maybe someone actually cares about us. Wanting to feel special... yet our inner dialog often is set around how we are not measuring up to what we think we should be doing.

So get a chair and take some time to sit in front of a mirror. Place your lovely hands upon your heart and really breathe. Allow your lungs to fill fully with gorgeous fresh air and gaze into your own eyes. Really look at yourself. Pay attention to how you feel, what you like and dislike about yourself, and keep breathing. This is some of the most intimate work a person can do because you are actually giving yourself your hearts desire... YOU are consciously choosing to see yourself, to pay attention, and to make yourself very special for these private moments.

You are answering your own prayers with this exercise. While gazing into your own eyes say "I love you, I really love you... and I am happy you are here." and then imagine if you can, that no harm or pain had ever existed in your life. Imagine that the person you are gazing at has only ever been touched, loved, and cared for by love and peace. Feel your innocence fill you as a sense of wonder and peace. Then breathe deeply and take in the good feelings. Using a journal with this exercise can assist you in clearing out any negative thought patterns you may be having. Just keep repeating "I love you" and breathe in that precious feeling of truly being loved. You will be surprised how much more energy and patience you have when your own prayers are fully answered! As a Reiki practitioner you can use this exercise and add Reiki Beaming to it to deepen the healing process.

Have fun and let me know how it goes!

Monday, October 26, 2009

Reiki, loss, healing

The call came at 8:30 on a Tuesday night as I was en route to pick up one of my daughters from school. My other child had just attempted suicide and for all I knew she had succeeded. There was no thought in my mind for a moment, as I picked up my cell phone to dial a friend to go and check on her. It was erie really, not knowing if her last breath had been taken, not knowing if I would ever see her again; yet strangely as I drove my car to pick up my daughter, I felt calm. Knowing I could not be in two places at one time I surrendered her to God and to the highest and best good as I waited to pick up my child and head to the hospital.

There were few moments of panic or confusion, there was simply a profound quiet within me, I remember being impatient to reach the hospital; yet I continued to breathe... I continued to just notice that I had not become hysterical and I really was waiting for the time that I would breakdown, become crazy, grieve, be angry, scream, or even cry, but that time never came. I kept expecting myself to bring Reiki to the table... to be the Reiki Master and take over the energy of the space uplifting and transmuting all of it. Instead I just waited, watched, and kept breathing.

The nurses and hospital techs came in to check on my daughter who was suffering from an over dose of common house hold medications. Tylenol, midol, benadryl, ibuprofen... Hours passed and I felt the pull of my older daughter who had chosen to leave the hospital, yet I stayed waiting, for word on my youngest daughter's condition and what was happening to her internal organs. That time finally came and I was told that they would have to admit her because her toxic levels were too high.

She spent 40 more hours on the antidote for tylenol. That was the time I broke down, the only time that the tear really broke the surface that first night. When it was clear that she had truly damaged herself, I felt the fear of the possibilities of organ damage and a lifetime of treatments. This time her act almost extinguished her beautiful life. I still wondered about Reiki, offering it to her, to the hospital, to the staff... yet I just sat there watching her vomit over and over and over again. After 2 1/2 hours of vomiting, at 3 in the morning I left, I knew she was in good hands and I needed some rest.

Mothers can be fierce when their children are in danger. Fierce when someone or something attemtps to come between them and their children, and here I was understanding that there is no fighting that I could do to take away the kind of inner pain that someone must feel to attempt to take their own lives. How could I protect her from herself?

Where was my Reiki? Why wasn't I actively using this wonderful tool that I have come to rely on so deeply?

I have realized through this opportunity for growth, that it was my daily Reiki practice that I have honed over the years, that had stored enough energy to move me through this process. I realized that through a daily practice of Reiki I had learned to allow and to truly submit to what was happening around me. I could surrender to the thought of the loss of my child and also to the possibility that she would choose to stay here on this planet and choose to heal. I let go of my expectations and gave over to her process, her pain, and her desire for wanting better for herself. After all, she was the only one that could make a difference for her.

Reiki was not really far from me that night... it was within me, strengthening me, and helping me to allow others to assist me in my process, so I was available to be there for my daughter. Some people were just there for me, helping me remember to eat, offering a shoulder if I needed it and I am thankful for that.

Growth is not always a beautiful simple process, sometimes true growth and forging of your soul is done when the fires are at their hottest.

In a beautiful way Reiki assisted me in finding the higher aspects of such a stressful and turbid situation. I am ever thankful for all of you, Reiki, and my life!

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Finding gratitude within

I love Autumn. For years this time of the year always found me excited about Halloween and pumkins, carving them, eating the candy, and the Friends Together Halloween camp was always a favorite. Then there is Thanksgiving and Turkey and lots of cooking, all the while gearing up for the winter holidays... As the subtle changes in Florida take place with each season change, we really must go within to mark these changes of season. Here in Florida we have less outward appearances that the seasons have changed, yet if we listen carefully to our bodies we may notice a change in sleep patterns, a slowing down of the body and mind, a feeling of contemplation may begin to settle over us, and we may even notice a change in the outward focus of our relationships. For some even food preferences begin to shift.
Our society does not often teach us to pay attention to the wisdom of the body and apply it to our lives, yet I always feel better when I heed the internal clock and choose to listen intently. A daily practice of focussed Self Healing can turn this season change into your own spiritual retreat if you allow yourself to open the door to even greater awareness.

Expanding GRATITUDE can be very easy. We can easily look around our environment and see the people and things that we "have". We can have gratitude for our job, our lovers, our children, our friends. We can have gratitude for our homes, cars, boats, campers, even our furniture; I particularly love my bed! We can be thankful for our bank accounts, thankful for our animals, thankful for the world we live in... all of these things are wonderful and necessary in most of our lives. AND if you have been listening perhaps your heart has whispered to you as you have been reading these words that these things are external.
Many people stop at what they can see and forget to have gratitude for themselves in deeply profound and spiritual ways. What about being thankful for your strength of character or for your innate and fundamental ability to overcome tragedy? Can you allow yourself to even be thankful for the tragedy, for what you have learned from it, for how it has assisted you in becoming more truly YOU? When was the last time you stopped and became thankful for the absolute radiant light that your creator placed into every cell of your body, or your incredibly fascinating DNA that was hard coded to bring you through your life a better, deeper, more emotionally sound and balanced soul than when you started your Earthly journey?
This is a perfect time of year to take the spiritual practice of Gratitude within and create a deep inner communication with the exquisite beauty that lives within you... through this kind of daily practice you will begin to uncover things you never understood about yourself, depths of love and peace that have always been within you, that you never knew you could experience. It is time for us all to seek to know ourselves more intimately so that we can be in our world in a more certain, balanced, and positive manner. When we are truly grateful for who we are and what we stand for we can affect our world with even greater love.

Take 10 minutes a day and be grateful for your light, your peace, your inner strength, and the incredible love that was placed in your heart when you were first created... expand your view of yourself; and your world will expand and reach to meet you with even more joy, peace, and deeper levels of love than you ever knew possible.
Here is to you!

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Simply Healed...

I have been taking a new healing class recently...

I find myself wondering about all of the information that is being presented and what seems to be all of the rules that go along with this healing system. At a time in our society when stress levels are rising due to financial issues... keeping everything straight seems to be a way to create even more stress inside my life.
Now there are even rules to hands on healing.

I remember long ago when I began my Reiki path the most alluring and safe aspect of this new healing system was it's simplicity. The fact that I knew that Reiki could cause "no harm" was just the safety valve I needed at a time when I was supremely unsure of just about everything in my life... Reiki was indeed the one thing I could trust, all I had to do was show up with my hands and an open heart.

To this day the same thing applies to my life. Sure I have learned much more about Eastern meditative practice, breathwork, and energy systems and they have created life changing healing alone and when I apply Reiki to them, yet all I have to do is just show up with an open heart and the Reiki will flow each and everytime I want or need it to.
As I watch the people in my life running to keep up with the speed of their own thoughts, responsibilities, and percieved issues I know beyond a shadow of any doubt that the ability to know I can use my own hands to de-stress and to keep myself healthy is a boon beyond measure. Even more exciting and supportive is the truth that nothing is more user friendly and easy to give away to the people in my life that are most in need of a bit of peace or a safe place to release their own stress.
Reiki truly is a tool for life!

This, to me, is one of the most incredibly simple and "safe" healing systems out there. It is why I love to teach Reiki , because ANYONE can do it, ANYONE can feel better, and EVERYONE is always worthy of healing simply!

Isn't it time you allowed yourself to recieve some Reiki?

Monday, August 10, 2009

Going deeper

As I sit here with my green smoothie... it has dawned on me that many people through out my life have thought that I was somewhat an extremist. I tend to dive into what I believe in and ask no questions, trusting that God has my back.

I have had quite a few friends and partners in the past that would call that sheer folly.... after all who devotes hours a day to yoga, Qi gong, meditation, prayer, teaching, journaling, and self healing? Who INDEED I say...

The point here is that many of the people that I have looked up to in my life, Harriet Tubman, Martin Luther King, Maya Angelou, President Lincoln, Cathy Robinson Pickett Kilpatrick... and so many I can't even remember them all... they were willing to stand up for something... to be extremist in their beliefs. The world was changed by their ability to focus, to be extreme, to test themselves against the ebbs and flows of life and to touch people.

Green smoothie in hand, I can hear those people of my past say "Ewwww, who drinks their dinner?"

Well I do, sometimes... and everyday I endeavor to uncover the parts of me that have hidden in fear and shame since I was a child. I sit in a quiet space and allow my pain and my joy... if I have to be called anything I suppose that an extremist would be the greatest compliment I know.

I am ever so grateful that on August 15th the Usui Virtual Retreat will commence and I will find myself going even deeper within my soul than I give myself the opportunity to go on a daily basis. I will fall away from the spoken word, turn off my phones, and my computer unless I am listening to an uplifting radio show...

I will become even more simple, even more quiet, even more peaceful as I endeavor to hear my soul speak from the depths of my being. I will allow the hours of my work to be my service to the outside world and to endeavor to balance my spiritual world with my physical world. I will enter a dream time where the energies of the universe coalesce to create and even greater ability to accept and prefer health in my life.. I will fill my reservoir with Reiki and release all that I hold on to back into the flow of life.

I will be ever more present in the knowledge of myself and my relationship with Infinite Spirit....

How will you spent your Reiki retreat time?


Saturday, July 25, 2009

Balance, Change, and WTF?

I had begun to think I had lost my voice for writing and for teaching. Why? Well as some of you may know I am in the midst of the anti-climatic end to a relationship...
The important thing here is not that the relationship is over, but that I like myself when I look in the mirror. Obviously a mourning has to take place... and at times I find myself forgetting how an empathic person is affected by the world, let alone when they are having their own fray of feelings to manuever through.
I do recognise that change helps a girl grow. That unintentionally, living a life in service to family and partners without a clear understanding of self and self love, is... well at best a distraction, and perhaps at worst damaging to the soul. Apparently the EGO can survive well in the midst of that type of life!
Feeling off center, not quite sure of my purpose, and generally wondering when the feeling would pass has been an interesting way to spend the last month and a half. It never ceases to amaze me that no matter how much work a girl does.... there are always deeper levels to go.
I have learned that sometimes you have to be willing to just say the truth and let the chips fall where they may no matter what anyone around you thinks, says, or feels... what is true for you is simply just true.... well until it isn't anymore... that funny little thing called growth. I have learned that it is ok to focus solely on myself and to unplug my consciousness, my energy, my mind, and my soul from other people and their thoughts, judgements, and desires. I have learned... that too much dairy gives my a nasty looking rash on my face... I have learned that without Reiki, self hypnosis, and journaling... I might be insane rather that just somewhat off center.

Most of all though, today when I felt more off center than I have since all of this began I learned... that a tree is a tree. Now before you laugh and think, yup... maybe she is insane after all....
I took a blanket to a favorite place of mine, sure I packed my camera, my books, my journal... my cell phone too.... There I go hiking over to a very beautiful place and lay my blanket down in the midst of three large trees... Wouldn't you know I forgot my pens? Now what, no direction... no great ideas to write down... no great vomitting of old icky baggage out onto paper to help me feel better?
Instead of focussing on the thought that I had screwed up my little journey by not bring my pens with me I chose instead to surrender. I just sat there and allowed myself to feel. I allowed the tension and pressure in my body to drain away into the ground beneathe me. I felt the breeze on my skin... I allowed my diaphragm to relax and take in more air.... I sat... and sat... and sat... When I got tired of sitting I chose to lay down. I gazed at the blue sky through the tops of the trees and listened to the tree frogs and I relaxed myself even more into the ground... that is when I learned the golden truth....
A tree is just a tree... I followed the ridges in the bark with my eyes, along the branches, until they became lost in the green of the leaves. I became extremely interested in the moss hanging from the tree limbs, and the sky above... and even the sun that dappled my body through the folliage that I was lying under. There was no great force of shuddering, no golden light pouring through to bathe my body as the truth swept gently through my mind. A tree is a tree and it does not venture to become anything but itself, it stays firmly grounded and it stretches high into the sky... really when was the last time you saw a tree attempt to weave itself into a car, or a rock, or even to become water? A tree doesn't enter the race of to have's and to be's... we humans do that.
That was when it happened... I found my center, my joy, and my purpose... and here is the big secret.... I just get to be me... no more and no less... and no one has to approve of it... because I feel that as the days pass I will focus more on those trees... more on the truth... that I am here for my enjoyment, my growth, and my happiness... there doesn't really have to be any other reason.
So with a simple shrug... I will unplug and go make that beautiful sock eye salmon, green beans, and some lovely fresh french bread and watch a movie... just because I want to....
Who are you? Where are you? And have you found your joy today?

Thursday, July 2, 2009

The Empty Cup

One day, a university professor who taught philosophy went to visit a famous Zen master for tea. While they sat, the professor talked and talked about 'Zen' posing hypotheses, recounting what he'd learned, arguing with...
well, with himself...because while he sat there, talking...the Zen master was preparing tea.
The Master placed a cup in front of the professor, and one in front of himself, and poured tea into his cup, right up to the brim, but even as the cup filled, the master kept pouring...
Soon tea spilled over the sides and pooled on the table, which is when the professor said:
"Master - stop - my cup is full! "
To which the master replied:
"You are like this cup. How can I show you Zen if you do not empty your cup?"
I have spent the last few months gearing up for some big changes in my life. Gathering the information and ideas I felt I would need to support myself through such incredible life altering changes.
As I sat here today, feeling as though it was time to write, and wondering what on Earth I really had to say, I gazed out of the upstairs window... seeing tree tops and clouds and birds flying in the sky. The feeling I had at that moment was how much less complicated life is when we are above the cement of the world where the thoughts and actions live, moving around through our daily lives pushing and pulling ourselves and our desires.
More than preparing for changes for the past few months I have been preparing myself for the last few years. Consciously peeling away those things that stand in the way of my mind's liberation. My dedication to my spiritual path has brought me to this point...
The Ego says "The sky is falling the sky is falling.... it is the end of the world and life as we know it... run, hide, give up, give in, close your eyes, stop listening!" My ego remains ever more dramatic...
The truth in my soul whispers... this is the empty cup... trust... have faith... be not afraid...
I always enjoyed the Hatha yoga that I learned through a video tape that my Guru released quite a few years back. The knowledge that the true movement in yoga was in the stillness BETWEEN the movements has always intrigued me.
So many of us focus on what we are doing, forcing, or considering and making the mistake in thinking that this is where the true growth and learning comes from. When all along... the truth is always under our noses... the silence between the undertakings, changes, challenges, and opportunities is where wisdom is cultivated.
I am accepting the experience of my empty cup...
No pushing, no pulling, no forcing.... what a release of spiritual information is available to me in this process, I feel humbled by the experience and by all the souls that have assisted in bringing me to this place.
I appreciate your precious time and wish you the experience of a profoundly empty cup!

Monday, June 1, 2009


I have found that there is a great gift in teaching Reiki.

My gift is incredibly multi-dimensional.

It is change. It is health. It is the fluidity of the manifestestation

of energy within my life.

So often the teaching of a Reiki class is the jump off point for many changes and incredible opportunities in my life. I have realized that in teaching the ART class I opened myself up to the teaching and inspiriation of the Reiki energy and the special guides and angels I am so blessed to work with in a way that I never have before.

Being that willing to experience and allow the energy of Reiki and Spirit in my life has ushered me into the changes that are happeneing each day in my life.

Relationships are changing in my life. Most importantly the inner relationship with myself is changing and altering and has become somewhat mutable in a physical reality as my inner landscapes are altering and growing. My daughter has now graduated high school, our relationship is changing. My expectations of the kind of loving partnership I desire is becoming more clear, and therefore my relationship is changing. I am open to utilizing Reiki in my daily life through my working relationships with my co-workers, and thus I have changed as a nurse.

My relationship with my Spirit and Soul and my creator have again become so much more a focus of my life... spilling over into each corner and goal in my life. There is a certainty that exists in the stillness of the center of my being. The certainty guides me and moves me to eradicate those things that keep me from my path... from my soul reason for being here, and my human trembles at the challenges I face as everything changes while I follow the whispers of my heart and soul.

I know I have grown because even though my humanity wants to run from what is unknown... I have the courage to look the fear in the face and walk confidantly forward into a deeper more meaningful life path. Reiki echos within my soul the certainty that Spirit is not wrong, my soul is not wrong, and that as much as I am served, my world is served each time I choose my courage over my fear and inaction.
Cheers to all of you willing to follow your Spirit into the greater now!

Monday, May 25, 2009


Gosh, I really loved this weekend but especially today. I allowed myself to be with whatever my little heart desired. I allowed myself to feel as though my massage/healing work was play and was truly over joyed to spend some time of my day off nurturing another soul... getting paid was a bonus!
Working a daily job has taken me from the somewhat lazy... AHEM... life I led. Now I owned my own business and had a massage office and worked hard and sometimes not so hard... a lot of my work was worry about the bills and making ends meet... I am glad for that time to have passed. During this time I learned a lot about healing and facillitating safe spaces for my clients and I also learned a lot about advertising and how to set up sucessful business practice.
The one thing I didn't understand was the yumminess of life. I spent so much time following myself, my intentions, my integrity, and my bussiness around that I forgot to have some fun and take myself less seriously.
Stupendously it took making the decision to close my business and to free myself from all baggage and realtionships that are not serving me for me to find the yummi-ness within. Today was a yummy-day... filled with sunshine, pure water for drinking, meditative and breath work that comes from a tantric perspective, spending short but sweet time with my daughter, facillitating aromatherapeutic bodywork, and getting ready to finish an amazing and growth filled book... that was when the experience of yummi-ness really grasped me. Lying on my side in my bed gazing at the gorgeous green colors out side my window, the blue of the sky broken by the dancing clouds, and dappled sunlight filtering through the trees into my room.
I recognized this moment for what it was... complete and utter comfort... a moment that if I listened would chauffuer me into a deep sense of contentment. Soon I had laid down that beautiful book, laid down my busy mind at the alter of stillness... wrapped myself in my favorite soft blanket and drifted into a womb like state... 3 hours later I awoke refreshed and full of yummi-ness.
Working a daily job has given me back the yummi-ness of life... the utter acceptance of what is... the beauty of what it is like to take time that is meant just for myself and no one else... When was the last time you gave yourself the permission to drift into the womb-like stillness and be yummified?

I sure do encourage you to find a space of time, a day off or even a 20 minute segment of your busy day where you shut your door to the children and the bills and the spouse and the dog and the phone... and... and... and... and just relax... be... breathe... and yummify!

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Advanced Reiki Training

When I first became a Reiki Master Teacher I was so excited to get out into the world and teach as much Reiki to as many people as I could.

I molded my classes around the way I had learned and for years I used the very same manual my Reiki Master had used in my classes.

This past 6 months began a different level of teaching for me. At some point I realized that the manual I was using was not really showing my own personal flair or what I felt was important with Reiki and so I wrote my own Reiki level I and II manuals. They are still functional works in progress!

The incredible thing about this process for me is that I realized that Master Teacher was no longer a term that I felt was describing me. It was this year that I began to think of myself as a Reiki Master Instructor. This term feels more solid for my foundation and little did I know that it would also assist me to begin to delve even more deeply into my own Reiki practice and Reiki's roots.

I feel that this change came at the most synchronous time ever, as it was time for me to publicly teach an Advanced Reiki Class. I wanted more for my students than I had received during my ART class, more than I had taught before. I wanted my students to feel the Earth move and to experience energetic healing through every sense they had available. I wanted them to have a sense of being removed from everyday life and to take a step into illumined spirit filled healing.

I had the honor to craft a beautiful ART class that I believe is still echoing in the minds of the participants. I am ever so thankful for the experience of being able to witness to the courage, focus, and outstanding commitment that I witnessed this weekend with the talented individuals I worked with. Reiki never ceases to amaze me whether in a class room or healing setting, yet... humans with their hope, resiliency, and grace are even more amazing to behold.
I am thankful at even deeper levels for Reiki and the gift it has been in my life, and I can not wait to teach the more advanced levels more often!

Monday, April 27, 2009

Choices in Change

In life we are gifted with opportunities. These opportunities are often called problems by many people. I have been lucky enough to alter my perception enough to search for the myriad of lessons within the opportunities that lifes seems to hand me, and to learn from them.

This is my Qi Gong Teacher Jeff Primack of We are currently on the 3rd day of the 4 day qi gong event... sooo cool and yet, I was unable to attend today... an opportunity visited me today.

I found myself faced with a choice... be-moan and cry over what I thought I was missing or to utilize my time wisely in a proactive and productive manner. I have to say that I spent some time be-moaning this opportunity... yet I stayed sharp for the other possibilities that might present themselves.

In the process of be-moaning... I visited on the phone with a friend I haven't talked to in months... we have missed eachother. I learned about myself and my own limitations and the ways in which life winds it's way around them to make them true for me... time to bust through some limitations. It never ceases to amaze me how life in completely separate houses can mirror itself so perfectly... time to stop managing my loved ones and manage myself... what a lesson!

So I had some sushi makings for lunch! Well before I did that, I applied Reiki to my current opportunity, and then I cleaned out my pantry... this was very needed. I haven't allowed myself much time to integrate after changing my life in a million different ways. I haven't given myself time to mourn some changes and to accept them simply for what they are... changes.

In all the time I have been on this conscious spiritual journey of mine... since I was 19, I have always understood that everything changes. Relationships change... even when we don't want them to... even when we tend to work with the changes we can't ever be sure the people we love will want the same things or be willing to do the same kind of work. As both of my children are either 18, or getting ready to become 18, I am recognizing that this mother daughter relationship is changing even more than I thought it would. I am realizing that they are ready for even more independance than this liberal mom was aware of, and that only I am really concerned with what is best for me and my good because they are currently concerned with what is best for themselves; they have not yet graduated into cooperation and team work... only time will assist in that.

I always fancied myself God's babysitter... always knew they were not MINE... just visiting for a few years and now I find myself with opportunities! Reiki is whispering in my ear to remember my center... different tools are drifting into my mind when I come across a mess that an 18 year old should have cleaned up, or an independant 18 year old attitude so magnifiscent it would flatten the kings of the old world, how can I withstand that kind of wrath? Well honestly they won't live with me forever!

My plans were to have this incredible journey in my qi gong event... to enjoy and expand each and every moment and today I find myself sitting squarely in the midst of the mundane world... so much for expectations!
However NOTHING can really top being on a stage in front of over 2000 people doing qi gong and feeling the incredible energy that 2,000 people can create together in goodness and health. Well I suppose being on a stage infront of 5 or 10,000 people might top that... maybe we will see about that!
Keep up the good work my freinds... opportunities withstanding... maybe you will be doing something stupendous and awe inspiring and it will carry you through your next learning opportunity!

Saturday, April 18, 2009

The Way of Reiki

The Way of Reiki... is the moment when you stop "doing" Reiki and you are aware of the lack of separation between you and this infinite experience of universally guided energy.

For me Reiki is an extension of the deep inner well that we are all aware of at times. Reiki happens to be one of my favorite ways to re-emerge into my world, fully refreshed and new, like a spring bloom.

Some believe that Reiki is a modality to be practiced when there is an imbalance in the human energy field. Something to "do" to undo the imbalance and lack of perception we run into as we live our human lives. Reiki for these people will tend to be placed on the back shelf and forgotten until that moment when the physical and sometimes emotional suffering seems to be greater than the practitioner, suddenly Reiki is remembered and illumined in those moments as a tool for freedom and relief.

For some Reiki has become something they chose to learn to help other people. The focus is so outside of themselves that the only time they remember this amazing tool is when someone they care for is in jeapordy.

For some, Reiki and it's principles have become a way of life. A new way to look at our world and experience it with new and forgiving eyes. To allow what is, to be... to allow all things to flow through our experience and remain the hollow reed. To let go of the good and bad judgements and to seek love, peace, harmony, and service each day. Reiki has helped to shape my life and my beliefs about myself and my happiness because of this. I only "forget" about this tool when I have cut myself off from the infinite connection of everything.

I practice Reiki on a daily basis. Self Reiki is so important in my life that I would feel blind or handicapped if it somehow was extracted from my experience. Each morning before work I do the techniques I have taught my students. I recognise the flow of energy into and out of my life, I find something to be greatful for, and I go about my day with glimpses of connected consciousness peaking through my work duties.

Yet, even in this I find myself forgetting to use many of the most powerful aspects of Reiki. I sometimes forget to appy Reiki to the challenging situations in my life, sometimes I forget to share Reiki with my family and friends, sometimes I forget to apply Reiki to my workspace and all of the people there, sometimes I simply forget the incredible tool I have in my life.
That is the gift of The Way of Reiki... that even though I have been a Reiki Master for 9 years now, teaching and sharing the infinite ways of how Reiki can make a huge difference in a person's life... I am still yet a student of the ways that Reiki can support and illumine my life!

Saturday, March 28, 2009

Staying Centered

Sometimes when I go to the beach I enjoy watching the sandpipers along the shoreline. They run and dart away from the waves while searching for yummy tid bits in the wet sand.

Some might think they live a reactive life... always running away from the waves. And yet they know the great truth that waves come and go... and they have to work within that truth if they want to get the food they need to survive.

Recently a student asked me how I can keep my center while working as a nurse and dealing with so many people on a daily basis, and personally I thought this was a great question because it came after a particularly challenging day in the office I am currently working in.

What I told her about being "sensitive" and this means energetically, is that if we believe that we are fragile because we are empathic or energetically sensitive then we believe that our environments can affect us negatively. It is in a way giving permission for someone else to have control over us.

Feelings and emotions in my belief are tools that the my Spirit uses to talk to me. When I am feeling happy, peaceful, powerful, and downright amazing then I am in line with what my Spirit and higher consciousness want for me. If I am feeling grumpy, grouchy, angry, and victimy... well then I am not standing in my Spirit Light and it is my clue to find out where I stumbled and do the work to put myself back in line with what is for my highest and best good.

Which doesn't mean that I wouldn't like to kick a certain doctor in the pants for being a brat the other day... that is my human side... or the fact that I gave up two days of my precious energy in a state of worry and contamination of my heart because of said doctor who may just need a kick in his pants.... and yet even that is giving away power to the bratty doctor!

The real truth is that due to the environmentment and being placed in a situation that I had not been trained for I lost my center and invited in this experience to remind me a couple of things:
  • No man or woman can hold power or dominion over my own thoughts ONLY I can.
  • Knowing a million spiritual truths and being trained in many modalities does a body no good if you don't get off your pity pot and USE them.
  • NO JOB is given or taken away by a man or a woman... our creator leads us to different experiences through many types of mediums.
  • NO man or woman decides WHO or WHAT I am or what I am capable of.

Like the sandpiper we can choose to be reactive to the waves of experiences in our lives, or we can move within the deeper truth that the waves come and go eternally, and it is our responsibility to remember who we are and what we stand for what ever wave comes our way. I am not working for Doctor Bratty Pants, I am working for a much higher authority. Coming back to that truth daily is the best way I know to keep my center and to remember that being a nurse in an office 40-50 hours a week is NOT my REAL job...

What is your real job?

Have a stupendous weekend!

Monday, March 16, 2009

Inner Strength

Sometimes our lives seem not our own. As if bosses, co-workers, family, lovers, and friends push and pull us into directions that we would rather not go.

ACIM (a course in miracles) says that the only lack we need heal is the separation we feel from God.

I believe it is this feeling of separation from a creator that causes many people to separate themselves into neat and tidy socially acceptable pieces, and leaves them with a big fat hole inside their hearts and minds. One that often they have no idea how to fill.

I have noticed in these few short weeks of working in a doctors office that people generally don't expect the best, nor do they look forward to it.

It is such a foriegn way of looking at life for me, that I find myself somewhat taken aback, and as I sit here today being sent home from work for feeling ill, I am recognizing that I have been very lucky in my life. For the last five years I could go to work and look forwad to what I was going to do and I only shared my work space with myself and each client.

I believe my facebook friend Gary really said it best today when he quoted a familiar saying.
"It is easy to be a monk on a mountain top."
I have found myself slowly feeling infected by the words and the attitudes of an office staff that is just trying to make it through thier days. Just working to pay their bills and get what feels like a minute of relief. As though their lives are happening too fast and they can not keep up.
I believe that my life is universally guided and that each and every one of us here on this planet can make a difference to this world. I believe that I have been gifted with the experience of this job so that I can remember what it is like for people who do not have the tools, experience, or love that I have to share and offer. To remember that my strength is my spirit and the spirit that resides in each person, REGARDLESS of their own beliefs and thoughts and pains, is just as strong, beautiful, and eternal as mine.
Because of my own past and the feelings I have had about the medical system here in Florida I
have not wished to work in the field as a nurse, and yet I find myself in this job that challenges my rusty nursing skills, but more than that, I find my inner mettle being forged.
This is the time that the Guru sends the disciples away from the ashram. When they have been able to experience the love and safety of their creator in a controlled environment that always seeks the spiritual enlightenment and betterment of each spirit.
When one has been loved and healed enough, the Guru will send you into the world away from the safety and support of the ashram... because it is the presence of the true spiritual disciple that lifts up the spirits of others.
We communicate energetically the information we hold within our hearts, minds and spirits. The duality is... to be so true to the nature of the alter of our own heart and what we know to be true within us, that we can withstand a room full of doubts, fears, and pain. That we do not waiver or allow the seeds of doubt to populate our own minds and hearts.
This is my own lesson of the last 3 weeks. To remember who I am, where I came from, and who I want to be. To recognize that taking care of me is the most important thing I can do, and to take care of me my beliefs and attitudes MUST be aligned with the power and strengths of my spiritual fortitude and NOT be wasted on the drifting thoughts and words of those who have forgotten their own strength.
The photos above are mandalas I was inspired to draw for my clients. Each client has expressed that as they gaze at the images they have recieved the feeling of healing and spiritual support. I just love when Spirit speaks through art!
May your days be blessed!

Sunday, March 8, 2009

Big Changes

It has been two weeks since my life changed in a big way. I thas been two weeks since I last taught Reiki and had the honor to welcome more students on to their path in Reiki. it has also been two weeks since I got a brand new job!

Since that time everything has changed. I find myself with not as much time to ponder things, I have decided that idle time is truly the enemy of intelligent people.

Since that time I have also embraced a spiritual truth. A truth that perhaps we aren't always aware of, but a truth that exists none the less. This truth challenges me in a way that I have not been challenged and I welcome the depths of the lessons and growth that are occuring and that will occur because of it.

The truth is this: walk what we talk. Now this is simple and everyone has heard it before, but it takes on a new meaning when you shove yourself head first into new life experiences. When you give up the reigns of your life and the things you have always "thought" you were "supposed" to be doing to the forces that be. These are the moments that all of my preparation and knowledge and suggestions to my student and clients really hold weight.

Having my own office for 5 years really gave me the power to control my surroundings. Giving up the office and returning to the work force means letting go of control, assuming that my higher power and the creator of all things has my best and highest good at heart. Working in a busy doctors office, where my entire focus is on what I am doing, which client I am seeing, and what my doctor may need from me has brought me fully into the present moment. Honestly my mind has no time to wander into the past or future because I have so much that I have got to do and remember. I come home with energy from the day, I go to sleep earlier because physcially my body needs the rest as I adjust to my new 5 a.m. waking schedule, however my mood has lifted incredibly.

Yet I still have kids and a home and animals and friends and... and... and... I find myself wondering how to juggle groceries and family time and cooking and cleaning. I hear my therapist self giving suggestions and I recognize that I am currently my own client. After all these years of helping and suggesting and supporting my clients, I am now helping, suggesting to, and supporting myself.

I have realized that i make a choice each day to support my health and growth even while 8-9 hours a day are devoted to a job that really has nothing to do with my heart and spirit. My time is supporting me and my kids, but even greater it is supporting this moment... the moment of NOW.

My inner therapist and Reiki Instructor whispers in my ear the ancient and not so ancient truths of the language of energy and time management. I heed the voice and I take the time first thing in the morning to offer thanks for the day and offer my body Reiki and a nourishing meal so that I can serve the people I come in contact with in the best way I can throughout the day.

I write today from a hotel room at Cocoa Beach. While soft snores come from the bed as the last nap of the weekend is being taken. I feel incredibly blessed in this moment. That I have the opportunity to face my challenges and new experiences while wielding some of the most powerful tools for living that I have ever had the honor to share with people.

I am my own product my own sucess, my own masterpiece. To walk in honor and service and to allow the Creator Spirit into each endeavor is truly what it means to be in service. Whether in a doctors office, a construction site, a massage office, or an office building. The true reigns of our life are always with the force that is greater than everything, and relaxing into each part of life is the unyielding secret of happiness.

May your weeks be blessed and may you welcome your endeavors with love and enthusiasm!

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Sitting on Tennis balls

This is my gorgeous border collie mix... her name is Sadie. Sadie lives with my ex right now, we can't have dogs where I am, but I get visitation until that changes. Her sister Daisy is getting ready to make her transition, we have about 2-3 weeks before that time right now; but Sadie seemed a bit blue the other day and i wanted to spend some time with her.

Today I took Sadie to our favorite park and we walked and talked and I even got to lay on the ground. In Florida I don't try to do that much because I do not like the aggressive insects... but this park is heaven because we don't have that problem there.

And here I sit after a beautiful morning with my dog, on tennis balls and yes you did hear me right... my rump is a achin' and the balls help tenterize all that rump muscle, thank goodness something does. I am feeling that familiar raw feeling as I sit here. The feeling that sneaks up on me to let me know that the people I love most are in turmoil, and that unconsciously I am sending them energy, my energy, universal energy, ANY energy, and somehow not recieving as much as I could be to keep the balance.

I relized this as I slopped dirty water all up in my face and on my clothing while cleaning the vacuum cleaner. I sure did make a mess! This is one of those funny feeling days, a day that feels not all the way right; but there is no evidence of anything wrong. These are the days that I have come to recognize as a warning type of day. Wouldn't it be nice if the warning was a bit more clear than an uneasy feeling that seems to permeate my space?

Sunday I recieved a message from my great-grandmother via a really talented English medium named Geoff. I never knew her but it was evident that she knew about me. That she too shared my love of Infinite spirit God, and that she understood how much I honor my spiritual path. It was a nice confirmation of the work that I have done in my life and with my clients.

I have realized just now that my deceased dog Haven is hanging around, probably much like family does when a person is getting ready to make their transition to the other side. Perhaps Haven has come to be here and wait for Daisy to make the transition. Boy I miss my Havie an awful lot! Maybe that is what the "somewhat wrong but nothing is wrong" feeling comes from.

I am teaching Reiki this weekend and I feel great about that! We always have such amazing and meaningful classes and I always have such incredible clearing and healing time in the weeks before each class. I feel like I wanted to share that with you... that even though there are days that feel off... life goes on and all is well...

Healing is not always bright and shiny with cotton candy colors and visions of chiors of angels singing and swooping down from heavens curing all our ails... BUT sometimes it comes Damn close... and when it doesn't, we can just know that the deep residue of the unhealed parts of ourselves have heard our calls for freedom and balance. And when we are called to wade through that part of our process, finding patience is sometimes as good as it gets!

Saturday, February 7, 2009

Magical Dragonfly Pose

Today I spent about 10-15 minutes in DRAGONFLY pose while experiencing my yin yoga. My hamstrings and I were having quite a chat regarding why on earth I was directing them to let go of the knee and hip joints at the same time. That pose is specific not only to stretch the body, but to release fear and anger. It actually is one of my favorite poses... apparently I enjoy conversing with my hamstrings.

Yin yoga gives us the time to relate to our bodies. To take 5-15 minutes in each pose if we so feel led and to allow the constrictions of the muscles and joints to tell us our own story. What we realize as we give over to the experience of the pose is that the constrictions that visit us through not being able to touch our toes are not so much about our physical body, but have much more to do with the frame of mind we currently operate from.

As I become present with the sensations that occur when doing deep mindful stretching my emotions begin to float up from the depths of the areas of the body that they have been stored in by that magnificent magical librarian of our emotions called... our limbic system. This is the time that the deep grumpy conversation with my hamstrings starts.

"You can stop now" "This hurts" "Seriously you can stop now... you will break me if you keep stretching me." "Fine you just hate me don't you?" "I can't do this" on and on this conversation goes. I don't hide from it, and I do not seek to silence the voice that lives within my hamstrings. I invite the inner dialogue so that I can understand my body and it's needs and fears even more. I have not listened to myself for many years, just like many people... pushing through life unwilling to take a moment to listen to my inner needs, wants, or desires.

This has hardened my body, joints, and my mind in different ways. For the past 5 years I have been undoing this type of behavior through hypnosis largely, yet I find that sometimes I still fall back on my old habits. For many of us that have endured the abuses of life, we can function primarily on what we can do for others, how many toys we can get, and definitely what and who does or does not make us feel safe and secure.

To encourage my body to face it's restrictions and to allow the emotions of fear, pain, anger, and rage a space to speak to me, I am giving a voice to my healing. I am not judging that these emotions exist and I am not trying to change them at all. I am not denying their existence in lieu of something better or a distraction that can make me feel better by pretending that they are not there, on the mat, in my yoga practice, or even in other aspects of my life... ALL other aspects I am certainly sure.

As I stretch and breathe and validate the feelings of the voices that are releasing themselves from deep within my muscle tissue I choose in each second not to give up, not to run away from my own precious Spirit, not to deny myself the freedom of health. Perhaps this courage comes from being a survivor of molestation, rape, spiritual abuse, and familial abuse. Or perhaps this is the courage of my own Spirit that planned this life to teach me that I can grow and learn and love no matter what experiences come to me.

On my mat I practice courage and faith... in each second. I face myself, my fear, my beliefs and the beliefs of my tribe. I stretch my body so that I can stretch my mind. I stretch my body so that my body, my mind, my emotions, and most importantly so that my Spirit knows beyond a shadow of a doubt... that I love myself enough to be real and to take care of the little boo boos and the larger hurts. Bent into the dragonfly position I face my life in it's entirety... the good the bad... every single thing. Reiki flows and I take my time, because I choose me...

There is no more important moment. There is no more important date or task than to just be in communion with that which honestly runs my life. It gives me to opportunity to listen in consciously to how my sub-conscious mind is seeing the world and me. It gives me the opportunity to right old wrongs whether inflicted by myself or another...

I can not change what has happened in my life, but I can certainly choose how to view and feel regarding each hurt or pain that my body uses to attempt to shut me down and send me into hiding. I no longer choose to hide... and the Reiki flows and the healing happens and I breathe... and only do I relent when the voice has quieted to a sweet understanding that there really is nothing to fear. Then it is time to move into a different pose and face what it brings up for me.

After that wonderful time in my yoga practice, I practiced qi gong and then conscious annointing with very specific essential oils so that I could assist myself in releasing deeply and healing completely. And in the end of this time there is nothing but peace and bliss to greet me as my eyes open and I face today...

I am incredibly blessed!

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Diagnosis... energy field disturbance

According to NANDA, energy field disturbance is defined as the disruption of the flow of energy, or aura, surrounding a person's being that results in a disharmony of the body, mind, and/or spirit. (this diagnosis has been around since 2005-2006)

Nanda is the national board that figures out what nursing diagnosis is applicable to ALL nursing care. As I nurse I had to work with these while making out care plans.... oh LAWD did I ever excel at care plan making! This particular nursing diagnosis was adapted due to the increasing use of therapies like TT (therapeutic touch).
Cool huh?
I have a dream...
Really I do... my dream is that I get into the schools for doctors and nurses and attune their hind ends FAR before they become legal health care providers. My dream is that they become aware of the energy, orgone, ki, chi, qi, prana, ether that surrounds their bodies and makes up the stuff of their worlds! Think about that just for a second people... that the next time you HAVE to go and use the allopathic health care system that they not only understand the HEF (human energy field), but they embrace the fact that you are a practicing REIKI or Spiritual healer.
They recognise the importance of complimentary care and all you have done to further your education about the human body and it's systems. Your doctor takes a moment to look into your eyes, takes a nice deep breath with you and recognizes the need for relaxation and for preventative care that includes your wonderful daily yoga, Reiki, or Qi Gong program. She then says, "alright you have done a great job here... I am going to prescribe these antibiotics because we want to make use of the drugs that we can to get rid of this chest infection, but my dear it is clear to me that you have an energy field disturbance caused by not taking the time to get a good massage and meditate daily. WE must exercise our heart centers with self love before we can fill the cups of our loved ones. So that is my other prescription... meditation, massage, and love... keep up the good work!"
Seriously this is my dream and when I get that massage job in Lakeland working as a massage therapist in a brand spanking new medi-spa (you can tell I want this right?), I will be working with the nurses and doctors that 9 years ago I dreamed of training when I began my Reiki journey. OOOOOh changing the world one doctor and nurse at a time... sign me up!
The fact that the national organization that mandates the diagnosis for nursing care now included and energy field disturbance clause, well my friend times are changing. This is an incredible opportunity for anyone looking to break into the allopathic care system... I feel so encouraged and empowered to know that they can not argue with their own acceptable nursing diagnosis for care!
Rock on AMERICA and the forefathers of complimentary care methods in our health care system!
Today ROCKS!

Thursday, January 29, 2009

There is a hole in my toilet...

Honestly there really is a hole in my toilet bowl! I was not lying... And the hole in one, that the crystal candle holder made inside the bowl before afore mentioned hole in my toilet, was actually a stupendous feat... I am still wondering how one would figure out the odds of that happening. There must be some mathematician somewhere that could figure that out for me.

I read yesterday that a man shot and killed all 5 of his children his wife and himself due to losing his job. Sobering isn't it? I myself have had the flu since Sunday... and I still feel as though a train has whacked my backside.... ugh. There are so many people these days with so many stories and finding themselves pushed up against the wall of limitations.
I interviewed for a job about 3 or 4 weeks ago... great job at a brand spanking new medi-spa. They spent 25K on the massage room alone... can we say heaven? I want my fingers all over that! The interviewer said "hey I will call in a week and let you know what is happening." I waited a week and nothing happened, so I called... left a message left an e-mail... no answer. It has been another two weeks and my eldest said "hey mom did you hear from that job?" I said "well darling I left a message and sent an e-mail but I have not heard anything."

At this point I was how do they say it "schooled" in proper job seeking behavior by my daughter. Apparently times are changing folks, and the mission of a job seeker is to call 2 times a week until you have been given an answer. This reminds me of stalking somewhat, but hey why not try it? So I called once again, and actually got to speak to the interviewer... she will be calling for the second half of the interview in mid-february... now was that so hard to say? She actually said that she had not called anyone to let them know anything because she has been getting the building taken care of. I said thank you and I will be looking forward to hearing from you... yet my proverbial jaw is lying in the floor... why has she not communicated with the people that she interviewed? OOOPS here it comes...

This is when my "teacher" voice began inside my head.... CAN you hear it? You see I began making up a story inside my head... so old school. I began to be personally offended by my impending boss's behavior... by the fact that she hadn't cared enough to communicate. I mean what about me, what about my jobless state of affairs, what about the fact that I had to close my own business office in October and it feels like I have been waiting FOREVER already... doesn't this stranger even care? Let's get real... I am the one that cares... sheeeeesh! This is the time when humans, like myself, in my weakened flu-like state let the ego take over so that they can feel safe and secure in the knowledge that they are "right" and someone is "wrong". Because obviously my super hero Reiki Master self wouldn't be waivered by this kind of behavior... muahahahahaha... Byron Katie and Eckhert Tolle would be great neighbors right about now!

I know I know... My Inner Reiki Teacher is chanting words inside my head again... "If it is meant to be..." Well yes I know in the higher states of awareness that this job or any job that I apply for I will get because it is meant to be... here is the hard part... being patient whilst wondering how the bills will be paid. AND attempting to be comfortable with a hole in my toilet and malfunctioning air conditioning while living in Florida... glad it is winter here! Even healers, Reiki Masters, Doctors, Nurses, Ministers, contractors, millionaires, and poor people sometimes get a hole in their toilet!

These are the days when Reiki matters the most in my life. These are the days when everything I have learned and everything I have taught come to bear inside my own mind. I love to hear my students say well this and that... parroting things I have said whilst helping them through similar issues and they are right, AND, I also have to honor where I sit, how it feels, and work from there as well. The human is not quiet, but the human is important as well, and it is from the human perspective that we get into trouble when we don't understand the wants, needs, desires of the human experience, and the way we have ignored and judged that part of our existence.

Sometimes things just are what they are. We live in a dual world, black and white and all of the colors in between. It is in the ebbs and flows that we learn and grow. The interesting ride for me is, that I can choose to be hurt, angry, resentful, miserable, and broken... or I can choose to recognize that things can always get better, that everything happens for a reason, that this too shall pass, and that sometimes things feel like crap because they just do... but it does NOT mean anything... no one is being punished the world is not ending it is just a cycle... I can choose and in that freedom is born. Everything is energy and in an ebb what I can indeed look forward to is the flow!

I have to say my inner drama diva really wants a voice here, and the fact that I know that puts me ahead of the game so to speak, because I can dialogue through all of the fear and blame and shadow energy that I have not uncovered yet. That means that this is all good... the good, bad, ugly, joyful... none of it matters as long as we keep judgement out of it and move it. Gary Young said on a recent cd I was listening to something like this. "Let it go, release that anger and rage why hold on to it, it isn't any good for you. For that matter release that joy too.. let it flow in and through you..." the point is stopping something and attempting to hold on to it because we do not know when things will be better or holding on to something because it might go away is pointless. Everything is energy everything is in a constant state of flow...we have no control over that.
Thanks for hanging out with me today,
I wish you a great weekend!
p.s. seriously... what are the odds of a hole in your toilet bowl made by a crystal candle holder?