Friday, December 14, 2012

Spaces between

You know it is the moments in between yoga poses
The moments between the notes of a song
The moments when one song ends and another begins...
It is the spaces between the actions in the world
where growth takes place.

It isn't the being in love that is so much of a lesson as it is
the falling in love, 
the learning a partners love language,
the learning your own desires,
the silent time spent between understandings
and misunderstandings.
These are the things that cause the growth and the beauty within
us to expand...
and possibly it can not cause more growth than the loss of
something or someone you

In Reiki we can learn to apply it to everything.
In fact there isn't one single thing that you can not send Reiki to...
The idea is that anything is made of energy...
and Reiki is applied for the highest and best good of each and everything.
Some people believe that they know what their
highest and best good is.

There are people that go to psychics to learn about their future.
People who ask those who practice witchcraft to cast
spells of love and lust upon their hearts desire.
Those that pray to God to bring them the perfect love.
And some want Reiki to clear the way for
the perfect mate.

What most people don't understand is that it isn't the taking of the Reiki class
it isn't the sharing of the Reiki
it isn't the doing of the Reiki
the practice,
the contemplation,
the understanding,
it is not the action of Reiki that is for our highest good even though it 
might seem to be.

It is the space between this world and the energy of Reiki or any other modality
for that matter, that makes room for the magic of the expression
of growth and change.
You see we need the magic of belief
the magic of hope
the magic of love
the possibility of a far better experience of life to be open to 
letting go of what we know
 and being open to what might be,
and even more important... to being open to what we can not even imagine.

I've been teaching for the past 10 years or so that Reiki is like a muscle,
the more often you use it the stronger it is, and I do believe this to be true.
The belief in a thing is made far stronger by 3rd
dimensional action.
Due to this belief and the act of using Reiki in my daily life
it has enhanced all areas of my life to the point that I recognize
deeply within me the flow of life through everything I experience

We can not bring our hearts desire to us any sooner than we are ready for,
universal law supports this ,
and Reiki does too.
No matter what experience we would like to have,
we must always remember to create space within ourselves for the experience.

Recently I remembered that with the help of my guides.
I woke up last Sunday morning.
I was composing a letter and having a conversation in my mind even before I woke up.
The letter was meant for someone I had been spending
a little bit of time with.
Someone that I had truly enjoyed in a way I hadn't since I was much younger.
The conversation/letter was that I
was unable to spend any more time with this person.
For my sake.

I was compelled to send it off and I did before full consciousness
could stop the e-message from being sent.
You see my guides and my Spirit understood what my conscious mind
could not understand...
no matter what I wanted... this person in my life was not creating
a life supporting experience.
I believe this letter that I wrote was far more important for my life than
the simple act of letting go of one person.

I have often done what was better for others,
made choices regarding my heart and life according to what appeared to be best
for all of the people involved in my intimate life.
We do that for our family and partners.
Some of us do it to a degree that is not beneficial for our own well being.
I have often been that person.
Perhaps you have been too.

I believe that my own spirit and my guides got together while
I slept and made it clear to my heart that 
the time of self defeating relationships has come to an end.
Reiki has assisted me to do the kind of healing that has created a space now
in my life and in my heart to be ever more available to actually allow 
someone else deep inside the sweetest part of my heart.
It is a part of myself that I never believed would be touched again.

Even though that part of my heart was touched by someone that
didn't really understand what they were doing,
what I know is that there is now space in my life and heart
for my hearts desire to be attracted to me.

Reiki does a thing like that,
it takes these confused, broken, slightly damaged,
beautiful messes of
lives we have...
it invites us to believe and have hope,
and then it works on us,
heart, mind, and soul....
it works on us and things begin to shift and move while
we sleep.

Large chunks of things that aren't working,
things that should be in the past,
things that steal our peace...
they are swept away 
and luckily we get the awesome opportunity to meet ourselves...
our real selves
possibly for the first time.

Reiki has been the key working inside my life
for so long
I didn't even understand the depth
or the majesty of the 

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Love Stories

This is going to be FUN!

I was talking to a friend today.
In a really cool relationship, you know the kind...
the ones that scare the crap out of you in the beginning and then you feel as if you have known this person for a million years....
you know what I mean
If not I hope you have the experience at some point in your life.

Said friend was in emotion about some
decisions that have to be made about care taking
elderly and somewhat
family members.
Fear can invade
not so easy sometimes the extra family that comes along with a relationship.

So anyway it reminded me of practical magic...
I know it's my fave movie, I can't help it if they had good lines.
So Sally says to her sister as she is considering
what to do about said absent beau.
"What would you do?"
Her sister replys,
"Oh Sal what wouldn't I do for the right guy?"

There it is... 
it's romantical right?
That's the feeling though if we allow ourselves to feel when we are deeply touched by someone.  When we can't imagine our lives without them.
When we think of them, want to be with them, want to experience the world with them.

Once a lover flew over 2000 miles with a ring and an idea of forever,
landed on my door step and I said of course....
one of the most romantic things EVER!
FOND memories of that day, I'd met the one!
One time I was so sprung for someone that I bought tickets to a Melissa Ethridge concert
made an entire box of cake and only baked one cupcake,
frosted it, stuck a candle in it,
picked my crush up, went to the concert,
and before we left the car lit the candle and said
Happy Birthday.
That was just for a crush!

I had a boy friend in highschool that would make me tapes of his favorite music.
I had a boyfriend that walked 3 miles one way to visit me almost daily.
I have turned a screened room into a resturant atmosphere
and shared poetry.

I have given incredible massages lasting for hours just to relieve my partners stress.
I have planned picnics,
Made love on the side of a river,
I have written my feelings on parchment and embossed them in gold
so they would be forever available.
I have run baths and added oils,
Baked cookies, made favorite meals,
taken walks along wooded trails.
I have spent time camping
being loved under the treetops in God's land.

Spent long hours swimming and kissing and swimming some more.
I have studied the sacred texts of love making
you figure that out!

I have made love on rose petals, even caught a pillow on fire accidentally!
I have stayed up into the wee hours holding someone so they could cry their pain out.
I have been strong and trusted in my love when it seemed my life was falling apart.
I have reached down deeply and stood in power and authority and passion
when my partner felt weak.

I have cried and dealt with the loss of the one.

See What wouldn't I do?
For the right one?
It may always seem like each person IS the right one,
I treat them as if this is true.
Because they deserve it, and so do I.
Logic is a great tool...
it makes little sense when applied to love and passionate subjects.
We need it at times if things take a freaky turn...
I LOVE LOVE, it's true!

My life would have been pretty bland without these experiences.
Pretty empty.

So here is the point....
If you have love...
If you really have love,
there is always a way.
Fear only comes to challenge
how much we are willing to love.

The passionate nights under the stars, in the woods,
at home,
in the office,
wont happen if we waste all of our time applying logic to
every aspect of those we love.

If you think someone is not right for you
then do what you have to do.
Just try not to let fear win out
when its Love in the balance...
Love is really the thing we have that is all ours,
to feel,
to experience,
to give,
to recieve.

For those of you hiding from Love
STOP playing small and 
LOVE someone!
And to my friend that I love dearly...

Sunday, November 25, 2012

Soul Retreats

For the past couple of weeks without really being aware of it... Spirit, my soul, and my life have been calling me to a place of inner calm and quiet...
to a place of retreat.

It's one of the busiest times of the year.
Family, food, travel....
TO DO lists of all kinds.
Yet I am being called to remove myself from the hectic parts of life in the 
time of the year most people want the most from us.

If I am honest with myself, and you...
I am usually called this time of the year to begin to get my life in order.
To begin to contemplate the new year,
to discover what I want to bring into my life 
with the promise of renewal.
 For me this is a largely singular path.
I do not have a life partner with which to plan the big things in life.
Which all in all isn't so bad.
It means that I am able to sink deeply into who and what I am and really take a look at myself and my life...
once again; 
it's not so bad.

There was a time that I would be panicking to be visualizing my life
without a significant other in it...
Alas this isn't the path I walk right now so in many ways
I haven't been here before.
Scary eh?
It could be if I chose to listen to that side of things,
I'm actually more interested in what I may find
standing on my own
just like the turtle above.
He has manatee to the left and right of him in this picture,
yet he is shining his brightest energy
by just being present in the sun,
 solidly standing on his branch.

So here I am,
taking time away from facebook and telephones, and texting...
do you remember the world when there wasn't some bell or reminder going off?
Or how about the feeling that you aren't being seen if someone isn't texting you or reading your facebook page, or any social media for that matter.
Which is definitely another story for another time.
 So here I am.
Coming up for air for the first time in months it feels like.
Studying anything that is not mundane.
Using Reiki for 2 and 3 hours at a time.
Practicing Tantra to remind myself I am alive.
Visiting my favorite state park. 
Planning to invite a few friends for x-thegame near Winter Solstice.
Annointing with oil again and again....
journaling, meditating, staying quiet...
meeting myself again.
And apparently blogging just because I felt like it.
If you are being asked to take a step back it is time to do it...
believe me it is worth the time and effort...
the new year comes whether we are prepared or not.
This year I plan to be as magically and fruitfully prepared as I can be.
Reiki Blessings my friends!

Sunday, November 18, 2012


Like this dock on the lake I live on...
Many people are only hovering over the deep emotional waters that 
hold sadness, loss, loneliness, 

Because the veneer of our lives
call for us to be put together, strong, productive, and above all...
People tend to get away with not dealing with their pain.

A veneer is only a thin surface of covering,
it doesn't take much to happen in everyday life to scratch
or tear a hole in the flimsy sheen
that we portray to the world and ourselves.

Because many of us don't want to face our pain
each and everytime something happens to shred our flimsy veneer coating
we think the world has ended...
it hasn't ended...
this time is no worse than the last time
it's just that this time
if you pay attention
you can CHOOSE to dive into
the pain and confusion and decide to heal,
it does not have to define you.
 People in my life right now are dealing with some pretty difficult grief and loss.
Most likely they thought they had already dealt with it.

Once in this life did I feel the loss and grief of that loss so poignantly
that I was unable to breathe fully for months.
I was 16.
In approximately a 6 month time frame I lost
8 people, I moved to a new town, and was introduced to a new highschool.
One of those people was the love of my life,
he was my first everything,
and I thought we would
always be together.

I remember the day when I walked into the house,
it was the first day in months I felt normal,
only to have my mother call me to listen to the message a friend had left me,
the love of my life was dead, in a car accident...
I remember she said "I'm so sorry"
No one could reach me,
the air left my lungs and I swear I fought for air for years after that.
For a long time I didn't care if I lived or died.

If I wanted to I could sink down into those memories and allow them to define my life.
For a long time they did define me.  
it was the air and the water and the earth that I saw
I believed in nothing....
I remember.

It is because of these things and more in my past that people thank me still to this day, years 
after I have worked with them.
When counseling and medication, and years of time has passed and still nothing has given them relief until the 
intimate work we do together.

I am not saying these things to brag about the clawing I did to get
myself out of the grave I dug for myself...
I am saying these things because sometimes we just need someone that has been there,
in the dark,
feeling the walls caving in around them; to guide us to a place where there is light.

The pit of depravity, pain, loss, betrayal, self indulgence is limitless.
It is a place where devils dwell,
secret whispers meant to sap us of our genius and life live there.

Great Shamans, Healers, Seers, Priests, Priestesses
walk these worlds with a type of compass.
A compass that is forged from their own souls gold
held up to the fires of their Creator.
The compass is shaped by experience, trial and error,
Pain, sadness, loss
and also

You see my loves we are only as shattered as we believe ourselves to be.

There is only darkness if we accept that.
As long as there is breath left in your body you have a choice to make
decisions that serve the light within you and the light
that exists within your world.

Many people want to come to a path like Reiki, Religion, the Tao....
they want it to be a quick fix,
a way to skate over the things they have come to dread about their own lives.

The path to healing lies in all of the foul forrests of fairytales,
not in believing they exist,
but in shining light in them and understanding they were never there in the first place.

Yes it is painful when we lose someone,
whether they walk out of our life,
or whether they are plucked from existence...
and when the pain bears down upon us and forces the very air from our lungs with it's weight...
there is a moment before the next breath
that our Creator enters us,
and when we would choose to end our existence and breathe no more...
when we would beg to have the pain end...
in that moment your very Creator breathes your body for you.

You may not know it...
you may argue the point...
but I know
that through all the pain of my life...
if it had been left to me
most likely I would not be here...
That is why my Loves....

I am lucky...
 my Creator saw fit to ask me to stay,
and I did because I knew no other way.
You see
had I not been here,
had I not touched lives in just my way;
who really knows what would have happened.

can do this,
I am not better or worse,
each day
each moment
each breath 
is your opportunity
to allow
yourself to fulfill 
your own story,
to create your own jewels
to live and love

Even through the clouds...
there is light.

Monday, November 5, 2012

 "Our most basic emotional need is not to fall in love but to be genuinely loved by another, to know that grows out of reason and choice, not instinct.  I need to be loved by someone who chooses to love me, who sees something in me worth loving.  That kind of love requires effort and discipline.  It is a choice to expend energy in an effort to benefit the other person, knowing that his or her life is enriched by your effort, you too will find a sense of satisfaction- the satisfaction of having genuinely loved another.  In fact, true love cannot begin until the in-love experience has run it's course."

~This is a quote taken from the book the 5 love languages written by Gary Chapman.~

I've been feeling this and talking about this for years.  The funny thing is that people want to have that jazzed up feeling sometimes far more than they want the grounded kind of love that comes from years of building foundations in the heart.  The jazzed up in-love feeling is intoxicating.
Who doesn't want that?

When the bubbles seem to dry up in the champagne...
When suddenly we are criticizing someone more than we are edifying them...
When we notice the imperfections more than the beauty...
When sex becomes an effort and a chore...
When we forget our happiness is our own responsibility and become
angry because our partner no longer makes us feel whole...

This is the time to make your choice.
Because it isn't about falling out of love with them, it is about
falling out of love with YOU!

Love is the reason we are here as far as I can tell...
relationships in family, 
our fellow humans...
Our lives matter

How we speak and act carries weight.
How we treat our loved ones is
incredibly telling of how we feel about ourselves.
When you are stressed do you take it out on those closest to you?
Do you take responsibility to keep a holy and loving space between 
yourself and those you love?

When you witness your loved one in a stressful state do you
find compassion?
Do you offer support?
Are you ready and waiting with a humble heart
and a kind and listening ear?

 The holidays are coming.
Some people dread this time of year due to family difficulties.
It is times when we are most uncomfortable,
times when we mess up the most,
times when we are out of control that hold our very souls to the 
deep fire of God and our Creator.
It is that fire that brings up deep emotion for us to know ourselves more deeply...

It isn't a time to blame ourselves for all of our limitations, misunderstandings, selfish behaviors, and 
all around unsavory actions...

It is the time to identify all the things in you that bar you from loving and being loved.
When we experience that moment that we want to shrivel up and never allow anyone close to our hearts again.  When we protect and feel afraid it is
the most pivital of moments for us...
Do we recognize our need to pull away, to cocoon, to hide, as
a rest our soul is asking for, or is it deeper than that?

To be available to be loving and to truly love someone you must 
be willing to love yourself, imperfect as you may be.
Forgive yourself, imperfect as you may be.
Choose to have quality in each relationship you put effort in.

Quality of love
Quality of earnestness
Quality of honor
Quality of peace
Quality of safety
Quality of steadfastness.

This is how we emerge the butterflies of our lives.
This is how we connect to the beauty of everything and live a meaningful life.
To love is a gift not a curse.

If you read this, maybe this year, if you don't already do this....
perhaps this year you will become love in the face of anything family, friends, or partner bring your way.

As you work with your practice of Reiki and being present in this moment....
remember that your loved ones don't always remember that
they are loved.
They don't always remember that they are deserving of love.
They don't always remember that they 
forgot how to be loving.

Remember that being loving and kind and gentle is NOT about getting what you want.
Love is about being available to walk hand in hand with your loved ones.
Love is gracious.
Love is solid.
Love does not waiver in a storm.
Love does accept everyone and everything.
Love says bring me your uglies and your woes
and I will hold you and them too.
Love says I understand
Love says I am sorry
Love says
I never want to know my life without your face in it.
Love recognizes itself in everything.


Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Broken hearts

 This is a painting by Julia Watkins she is one of my favorite artists right now!

So... I've been hearing an awful lot about broken hearts lately.
I don't think I ever understood how many rules go with 
ending a relationship or for that matter beginning a new relationship.
Apparently among many rules there are appropriate times for beginning the act of dating, I mean how long is sufficient for this?  How to choose? Where to go? What to wear? 
Oh yeah and tell other people where you are going just in case you meet tonight's axe murderer.
Apparently be sure not to take said new dating possibility to your ex's favorite places, even if these places were your favorites first.  Also do not wear anything on a new date that has been purchased by ex, that is simply tacky (wink).  Also don't act too interested in new possibility infront of your ex if you have remained friends... it may unleash a beast that you have to reckon with.

Rules.... I can't keep up with them.

What I love though about ending a relationship is that it gives me an opportunity to seriously look at my actions as best I can, to review how I am in a relationship, and whether or not I have honored myself and my newly ex by my behavior.  Just because something does not work out does not,
in my opinion,
give me the right to stomp around on the head of someone that I have loved and may still love me.
That is what people can see as the many trainwrecks of screaming banshee breakups... 
you know what I am talking about... I know you do.

 I love this butterfly picture, took it right in my front yard... was a great gift that day!

So here is what I love about beginning to date and new relationships.

Here you are... 
hopefully armed with everything you know about yourself in relationships.
And if you have given any thought to it at all you have been choosey with the said date possibility.
You have weighed any prior discussions on the telephones,
you have read profiles if you are an online dater, 
you have really given thought to what it is that you would like to manifest in a possible partner.
And if you are anything like me... 
I get practical when I am scared!
Meeting new people for the sake of meeting them makes me feel like vomiting!
You can stick me infront of a room of 250 people to discuss and teach Reiki and I will be as happy as a lark...
Go ahead and send me out the door on a date and everything I
have eaten makes a mad dash to come out the way it went in.
Now if I make it past the initial freak out I have to deal with my shyness...

Ahem, anyway...
then there is like this magical space if things seem to work out.
Food is actually being swallowed and talking is happening.
And without meaning to, possibilities may begin to drift across the surface of your mind.

So there it is this litle magical area where everything is new and full of potential and you 
get to float around in it.
I have to face it I am in love with love,
and I am in love with the deep resonant changes love can make inside the heart and soul of
two people... or more if that is what you are into.

Possibility of love is about the only thing that can get me more excited than loving love.
And then after maybe one or two dates you may find that 
things aren't what we had hoped and it ends.
This is where people really get messed up inside their heads.

Think about it this way,
if the universe finds someone unsuitable they will find a way out of your life.
If someone realizes their heart is unavailable; for goodness sakes
find it within you to forgive them because most likely you have been there too.
Be generous with your heart even in circumstances that may feel painful...
even in circumstances that begin that inner questioning about 
What is wrong with me?
What did I do?
I don't need to go further with these things we all have heard that sneaky inner voice that tries to steal away our well being.

Safety is an illusion if you are looking for a person outside of you to cause you to feel safe.
NO ONE can make us safe.
Safety lives within our very hearts where true love comes from.
It is silent, it is steady, and it comes from within.
And if you feel some twinges of pain after a person you have dated calls it quits be very glad
that you have had the experience at all because my loves, it is teaching you how
to find what you do want, how you do want to be treated, 
and it gets you one step closer to the person the universe is working
to unite you with.

If you find yourself with someone that is afraid to make choices to be with you, gracefully
let them move on... it doesn't mean they don't care it just means that they aren't ready.

It is being fiercely courageous in the face of possibility that allows the heart to be cracked open
enough for God to place his hand inside us and begin the beating of our divine and loving

Sitting on the side lines because you might get hurt isn't the reason we have come here my loves.

Remember that life is to be lived and we have only the time we have here,
no guarantees, just us doing what we can...
Be brazen and be bold and be full of your own joy,
IF someone else can not see how beautiful you are and does not see their future in your eyes
they weren't meant for you...
and aren't you glad you know that sooner rather than later???

Saturday, September 22, 2012

Releasing for Increasing

It is amazing to me how much discomfort my body can hold at times.  It is equally amazing to me how comfortable my body can feel at times.  I find myself reflecting on all of the little cells in my body, or anyone's body for that matter, and the agreement that humans have somehow made to experience pain.

If I have learned anything all these long years of journeying my own path it is that the body follows the mind.  I have been meditating recently on the first original hurt or pain of creation.... I am certain that whatever being experienced this was the beginning of the creation of matter, to seriously ask the question "why" and to experience the "why not" of everything.

We could certainly go into all the possibilities of religion or indigenous beliefs, how the world began and all the truly terrible things the human race has somehow done to DESERVE to suffer.  None of this really resonates with me, so I won't spend much time here; other than to say racial memory and stories of humans defining pain are most probably the reason people expect to feel pain, go through suffering, and actually sometimes welcome it into their lives without even knowing it.  In fact some people even believe the no pain no gain sayings of the world.

Here is what I believe though...  I believe that the creator of everything created, well, everything and that means me and you too.  I believe that the act of coming from a place where everything is... and I do mean IS; and coming to a place of experience where needs exist, is most probably the greatest reason for the experience of pain and suffering.  Some people believe we must experience loss to experience gain, hate for love, sadness for happiness... I understand this thought process.  Yet as I follow this meandering path I call my life I am beginning to be aware of glimpses that this thought process isn't necessarily the truth, but it certainly holds a mind in bondage.  The separation from the creator is the only thing that makes any sense to me as I discover myself, and experience what appears to feel painful.  The feeling that I am outside of something, lost to something, or just outside of something has been with me as long as I can remember.

Fibromyalgia is one of those processes that simply does not make sense to the medical community.  Yet humans are disabled by this, actually disabled.  I was told 3 years ago that yoga, meditation, and stress reduction were the best ways to deal with the discomfort.  More recently there have been programs on television saying that they can actually map fibro in the brain. (that's a whole different posting in the future)As far as I can tell the consensus on Fibromyalgia is that of a confused nervous system.  Honestly does that surprise any of you?

We live in a world where yelling at someone is for their own good, where getting what we want before someone else gets what they NEED is accepted practice.  A world where in most workplaces the administration prefers the workers to be in fear or at least off balance so that the employees behave and do as they are told.  Our world even holds belief systems we are told come from God/Creator in which punishment means love, being afraid of said Creator is of benefit and puts us in our place, and where people of one sex or another are judged as less than and punished for the misconduct of being born at all!

Is it any wonder that the nervous system of some people has become scrambled and actually causes pain when there is nothing to be painful about? Sad instead of happy, achy instead of comfortable, stiff instead of pliant, even at the best times of life? 

I had an incredible body-working session of the Raindrop Technique kind yesterday evening and I am in more pain and having more stiffness than I have in months.   I find that a quandary which is why I am posting this morning.  Now all of you healers out there will begin to list all the possible reasons for this phenomena and I will most likely agree with all of you, at the same time it is the actual act of feeling the discomfort when one would assume I would be feeling better that I write about today... as this affects many people these days.

So what does this Reiki Master Teacher do about these moments? I get real, I blog apparently, I sit up straight and I allow whatever feelings and emotions are moving within and around me.  I recognize that it is the Autumn equinox this weekend and that the energies are higher than other times.  I realize that we are coming into a time of gratitude and examine my own graciousness or lack of graciousness.  I realize the deeper healing of Karuna Reiki will be of benefit and that going to the meditations that come deep from the roots of Reiki are of benefit.  I clear my own energy and ask that anything that belongs to another is taken away from my own feeling.  I give myself permission to be.  I find essential oils that resonate with me, and I search for the place that my heart center may be shutting down.  I support my own process. AND I rest when I need to rest and I move when I need to move... I allow discomfort the option to become comfort, and ... I BREATHE.... what about you?

Monday, September 10, 2012

Heart Matters

I have recently become single again.

I know, when break ups occur there are usually tears, hurt feelings, why's and why not's.
There can be blame and anger... and some more blame.

Depending on the situation there is moving in or moving out
leaving or being left.
There can also be an eerie silence that starts to surround your whole being as the
energy of the relationship is released, and your
heart begins the process
of mending.

I feel it is the eerie silence that gets most people.

Not the business of taking care of another
or the wondering about this and that within the context of relationship.
No more filtering words, no more stretching to fill a space that 
most people hope a love will fill.

I guess as I move through releasing relationships it becomes more and more clear to me
that love always is...
there are no take backsies.

There is no "now that we are done I take back every smile, touch, embrace and word
I uttered to you."
There is just the silence of the truth
that this thing just didn't work out.
And if we are really honest with ourselves 
that happens to us everyday.

Driving down the street, or a conversation with a family member or co-worker,
a bid on e-bay, missing a sale at your favorite store,
or someone taking the very last of the one thing you really wanted.

I'm choosing not to make the mistake of thinking or feeling that
the not working out has anything to do with me as a lover,
friend, sweetheart, or spirit.  Just as I would not believe that I was less of a person because
froyoz ran out of Georgia Peach yogurt.

Now don't get me wrong I am examining myself as a lover and sweetheart; I believe that is
very healthy and worthy of searching my heart.

It is always the well-meaners that come soon after and say things like "I hope you will wait to start a new relationship." and "I think you need time alone."

I say thank you to those of you who have come forward with love and sweetness
to help me remember that I must take care of myself.

Also, I remind myself,
that I can only love and grow in love as much
as I am willing to have my heart cracked open.
It is only with understanding of 
the ways of love, my views of love, and the seeming loss of love
that I have found an ability to believe in love.

Each time it appears my heart is broken I 
am beginning to notice less pain and far more joy.
I am learning to love at deeper levels
and honestly
what can be a kinder gift to give myself than to choose to be certain that I
have been made to love and be loved...
one way or the other.

What can be a kinder gift to your departing partner than to meet them with grace and understanding
and forgo blame and pain?
After all no one ever means to hurt the one they love...
Most people only want to feel loved too.

Why can I not choose to end a relationship
in the same energy that it started?
The energy of Love.

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Creating Sacred Space

The incredible thing about having and using a sacred space is that in times when you are not feeling so energetic and perhaps feeling melancholy the energy has already been created.

Today as there is a named storm swirling out in the waters possibly threatening to become a hurricane and unleash its beautiful power and cleansing on Florida and all of us that inhabit this tropical paradise... my body feels as though it has been struck by a train, a plane, an automobile, and possibly a horse drawn carriage.

The one thing that I conveniently forget about the diagnosis of Fibromyalgia and the way it affects my body is that when the wind blows, barometric pressures change quickly, and when mother nature begins to cleanse itself my body lets me know.  The way I experience it is with discomfort, pain, stiffness, and weakness; dang it!

See the thing is I had plans for this week, writing some classes out, planning to teach Reiki and give attunements, to be truly productive, and all I wanted to do this evening was lay on the couch and watch television.  My mind started turning to being hard on myself for lack of energy and motivation to follow through with my best laid plans.  Here is the truth... I have sacred space, not only specifically set aside in my home, but most definitely set aside within me.  Loving what is as Byron Katie teaches is to question thoughts that make you feel poorly about your own experience.

Here is the incredible thing, I may not have written an award winning class tonight or started to write a novel, I also may not have gotten any more organized or prepared toward teaching, but I did get quiet and remember my sacred space.  AND luckily I came to share that tiny win with all of you, because that is Reiki folks, in the huge and seemingly insurmountable, and in the tiny breath of a day that causes us to remember the sacred within us!

Here is to your sacred places no matter what you may be feeling or experiencing!

Friday, August 10, 2012

 Don't you just love the laughing Buddah??? He always makes me happy and feel like things are really alright.
I read once that the Japanese decided to do a fat rendition of Buddah to make fun of all the things we aren't supposed to be... you know... to remind people to laugh at themselves.

I have to say I can be so utterly serious about my meditations, prayers, and Reiki that I might resemble some kind of constipated devotee, stick up the rear and all of that.  Along with that serious nature about all things spiritual in my world is my expectation that my life will also follow along the lines of spiritual unity, growth, and discipline.  Enter the clashing and thrashing of the world and nothing seems to be as perfect as my imagination would like for it to be.

For years I have been embracing this moment... only to find myself in a past or future moment... the laughing Buddah helps me remember not to take myself so seriously.

What I realized recently is that all that constipation caused by seriousness overload is about as spiritually sensitive and graceful as; well a diver with his feet chained to concrete, or a drunk ballet dancer, or my dog eating dinner on a carpet... none of these things seem graceful to me at all.... And sometimes I am just as ungraceful and unbalanced as the next everyday Joe.

Even a Spiritual life, no matter how well defined by discipline and serious committed practice, must also bring fun and joy into our hearts and minds, we all need a break from the hum drum, shocking, sense dulling "real" world to remember we are alive.

An old friend of mine passed from our world this week, and I realized that feeling the feelings around death and transition as a spiritual person is much different than feeling those same feelings from a strictly human perspective... Luckily I remembered that I am both of those things and found my way back from a potentially sad detour from my Joy.

I am choosing to see my friend surrounded by beautiful flowers, white puffy clouds, and puppies, kitties, and little ducklings because I believe these things to be something that our innocent childhood selves would find happy and joyful.  Also I know that he is most certainly held within the light of God, and; well... it just simply makes me feel better to think he might be playing with puppies on a grass covered hill with the sun and rainbows and his heart open and filled with love laughing and sending love to those of us that are mourning his passing.  Just as we are sending love his way too.

Remember your Joy today.... and if you have a minutes send some love to Mark... I'm sure he'd appreciate it as he continues on his journey...

Monday, July 16, 2012

What do you bring to bed?

 First I want to say that the art on this page was done by one of my favorite artists, her name is Julia Watkins and she does incredibly beautiful work!

The great thing about her work is that she incorporates the movement of energy around her subjects and allows us to see what we are mostly unable to see with the naked eye, no pun intended.
The artwork below here really shows how the energetic fields of ourselves and our lovers become
intertwined and surround and move through us together.
Imagine then how important it is to keep your personal energy field as pristine as possible.
In our field of energy all things about us exist.
How we think about ourselves, our issues, our hopes and fears,
our joys and our angers.
If we judge, love, tolerate, wonder, or obsess about our partner, it 
is absolutely right there in our energy field.
For that matter anything that affects us lives within this subtle energy field and it can pollute
not only our personal energy field but also that of our partner.

The way to work with this is to have a daily practice that keeps you as energetically
healthy as possible.
That means eating foods that are healthy and life affirming like fruits and vegetables.
This also means not judging ourselves for what we eat,
or if we make a mistake in healthy choices.
It means doing your personal work and not being lazy.
It is far to easy to put off until tomorrow what we can do today.  
If depression, sadness, pain, fatigue, and bad attitude plague you
it is probably time to get real about your energy and your life style.
If you care for your partner and your relationship
this is just as necessary as brushing your teeth or changing the oil in your car.

The drawing below is just another example of how our energy fields affect one another.
Becoming physically intimate is an important step in a relationship and deserves just as much fore thought and time as deciding what new television or car to buy.

Being intimate with someone that you love is a gift, it is a mixing of your energy and their energy.
If we bring our bad day, argument with a boss, misunderstanding of a friend, or stress of
our family into this Holy and intimate experience we are in essence dumping our garbage in our partners energy field.

Before you argue with me just think back to the last time things were difficult and you chose to make love to your partner... you probably felt great, nice and relaxed... maybe even drifted off to sleep.
And most likely your partner was not thrilled with the experience, may have felt poorly, and most possibly could not easily fall asleep, and even more sad; it might be that your partner walked away
with the feeling that something was wrong, but just could not put their finger on it.

It is our responsibility as sexual beings to put our partners before us and do our best to make sure that we are bringing loving, healthy, juicy thoughts and energy to them before we make love to them.
Face it,
We have enough drama and pain in the world,
why bring it home to the people we love the most?
Do your Reiki,
And loving from a healthy persepctive...

I'm sure that your partner will notice!

Sunday, July 1, 2012

Reiki reminding me of my good!

Off and on this week I have found myself day dreaming about the west coast where I grew up and lived over half of my life, so far.

I found some sadness as I miss being in the forests with the trees, the coolness of the air, 
the grayness of the days
the majesty of my favorite mountain Mt Rainier.
The photo above is whales head beach in Oregon... 
I used to enjoy time there as often as I could.

I am such a different person now than I was then.
My children all grown up and moving
along nicely in their lives, beginning their adventures on their own.
I have become more sure of myself and more
at ease with who I have become...

And I realize that if I allow myself to stay in reverie about that past life of mine; I could
spiral into what if's and what could have beens,
which in no way serves my light and life in this
now, so I gently remind myself that today is the day that is most important and
I endeavor to return to my center.

I have had the incredible opportunity today to include a yoga practice 
with an online church service that gives me a great deal of peace and
shores up my inner strength and being-ness.
As I sat in meditation, people that I love came to me,
and I sent joyful Reiki to them...
not to heal them from their lives, or to take away
their pain, or interfere in some way with a judgement about how and what they need...
It was a simple offering of my love laced with Reiki energy for their good,
and in truth only they will know how that
will unfold.

I am ever humbled by the lessons that Reiki brings to my feet.
Reiki reminds me of presence
Reiki reminds me of allowing the flow of all things
Reiki reminds me of comfort
Reiki reminds me of peace
Reiki reminds me of my particular place in our world
And most of all

Reiki teaches me the incredible truth that my past present and future are one, 
I have not lost loves or family members,
I am always connected to my good 
and I am always guided by a gentle and profound source
of light that eternally connects me to all that I love, have loved, or will love....
Knowing that means that I know the West coast is only a breath away
and I have lost nothing.
ALL is well!


Friday, June 22, 2012

I am learning

I am learning.

Isn't that a precious gift? 
Learning never ceases and no matter where you find yourself there are many lessons, many opportunities.

As I take a breath here I find myself glad to be where I am now, the past 6 years have been 
rather difficult.

I am learning.

At the surface of the lessons I have picked up the last few years I have learned that
I certainly can live through a loved ones suicide attempts.
I have learned that no matter what a parent wishes for a child...
ultimately their life is theirs and that is exactly how things 
were made to happen.
I can function even with severe physical pain.
That even in the most heinous of circumstances, forgiveness gives life
and healing to families that many people never thought
could happen.

Yes I am learning.

I have also learned that Reiki Masters have their own issues!
Who knew?

I have discovered that one of my blind spots was my own health.
I was operating upon the false assumption that a daily Reiki practice would and SHOULD
fix any ill.
I falsely held the belief that if I do enough good then I wont ever suffer and I won't ever get sick, and my life will somehow be magically easy.

Guess what I learned!

I learned that even a Reiki Master can be diagnosed with fibromyalgia, tachycardia, anemia, and have a diabetes scare.


It does indeed happen.

In my fervent and passionate need to save the universe, run a business, make ends meet, heal my child,  get my kids graduated from highschool, be a mom,
be a kind and loving partner, hold a space of safety and grace for my clients and students,
 work a 40 hour work week, be a positive mentor,
live my talk....
I somehow left me out of the equation
even though I believed I was fully 100%
in said equation...

Well I have never been a math wiz!

I learned about pain
I learned about limitation of body and mind
I learned about loss of partners
I learned about checking out of life and using medications
I learned about the victim archetype
I learned about focus
I learned about allowing love into my heart
I learned about finding the light within people that forget their own light, and to feel okay even when they seem to prefer not to feel or see or experience their own light
I learned to seek my own light
I learned that EGO can be as positive a healing force as it can be destructive.
I learned that a diagnosis is not who I am,

And I learned that no matter how many times I seem to be knocked to the ground
I still have faith and trust in God, Spirit, and the quiet and passionate good of the 

I have learned a great deal these past few years and that the wisdom of the Universe is indeed
guiding my life whether my definition of success happens or not.

I have also learned from the wisdom that is embedded
deep in the cells of my being.

For a moment,
I simply forgot, 
you know...

I forgot that 
my good is at my own fingertips
I forgot that 
my hands heal others
and in that truth
my own hands
are indeed 
source of relief and a haven of peace
for me!

I forgot that I 
am a healer of me
I forgot that I am a source of
light on the planet,
I forgot that
I too
am just as
as any child, family member, friend, or client.

And now 
I remember!
I remember to choose me
and as I do
things fall
simply into place.

I love that I am raising my head again
to shine my light
and to be a positive
presence on 
this planet everyday
wherever I am.

Healing is not something that exists outside of any experience
and Reiki is an incredibly useful tool
in personal healing, even if
we consider healing to be the complete annihilation of disease,
we will often find that
healing is also the allowing of what is,
and the granting of peace
in the midst of the thing
that seems to be less
that peaceful, even in the midst of the thing
we may judge as evil, terrible, and unwholesome to our life.
The very thing that seems to steal our peace like a thief in the night.
Remaining in the center of 
my being is what gives me peace...
and it is what I am meant to learn
by the offering of chaos in my life.

No one ever told me that someday I would have a simple life, 
an easy life filled with nothing but bliss...
I thought if I was a good girl I would find that
just like a fairytale.

Who we are in each moment is a testament
to our faith, our love, and our connection
to eachother...
my actions define me far more than my words do.

I am a healer of me,
I am a shiner of light,
I remember my love of God
I remember my love of me,
and my love of you!

Happy Reiki Dreams and Love!