Monday, September 10, 2012

Heart Matters

I have recently become single again.

I know, when break ups occur there are usually tears, hurt feelings, why's and why not's.
There can be blame and anger... and some more blame.

Depending on the situation there is moving in or moving out
leaving or being left.
There can also be an eerie silence that starts to surround your whole being as the
energy of the relationship is released, and your
heart begins the process
of mending.

I feel it is the eerie silence that gets most people.

Not the business of taking care of another
or the wondering about this and that within the context of relationship.
No more filtering words, no more stretching to fill a space that 
most people hope a love will fill.

I guess as I move through releasing relationships it becomes more and more clear to me
that love always is...
there are no take backsies.

There is no "now that we are done I take back every smile, touch, embrace and word
I uttered to you."
There is just the silence of the truth
that this thing just didn't work out.
And if we are really honest with ourselves 
that happens to us everyday.

Driving down the street, or a conversation with a family member or co-worker,
a bid on e-bay, missing a sale at your favorite store,
or someone taking the very last of the one thing you really wanted.

I'm choosing not to make the mistake of thinking or feeling that
the not working out has anything to do with me as a lover,
friend, sweetheart, or spirit.  Just as I would not believe that I was less of a person because
froyoz ran out of Georgia Peach yogurt.

Now don't get me wrong I am examining myself as a lover and sweetheart; I believe that is
very healthy and worthy of searching my heart.

It is always the well-meaners that come soon after and say things like "I hope you will wait to start a new relationship." and "I think you need time alone."

I say thank you to those of you who have come forward with love and sweetness
to help me remember that I must take care of myself.

Also, I remind myself,
that I can only love and grow in love as much
as I am willing to have my heart cracked open.
It is only with understanding of 
the ways of love, my views of love, and the seeming loss of love
that I have found an ability to believe in love.

Each time it appears my heart is broken I 
am beginning to notice less pain and far more joy.
I am learning to love at deeper levels
and honestly
what can be a kinder gift to give myself than to choose to be certain that I
have been made to love and be loved...
one way or the other.

What can be a kinder gift to your departing partner than to meet them with grace and understanding
and forgo blame and pain?
After all no one ever means to hurt the one they love...
Most people only want to feel loved too.

Why can I not choose to end a relationship
in the same energy that it started?
The energy of Love.

1 comment:

  1. There are some extremely wise words in there---and, despite the topic, dare I say uplifting. I really respond to the idea that you can only love and grow as much as you are willing to risk having your heart cracked open. I also giggled but saw the truth in your analogy to no more frozen yogurt. :) The runes offer a lot of wisdom too in these situations especially if you are willing to grow--try them out if you haven't. Best to you, Em