Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Love Stories

This is going to be FUN!

I was talking to a friend today.
In a really cool relationship, you know the kind...
the ones that scare the crap out of you in the beginning and then you feel as if you have known this person for a million years....
you know what I mean
If not I hope you have the experience at some point in your life.

Said friend was in emotion about some
decisions that have to be made about care taking
elderly and somewhat
family members.
Fear can invade
not so easy sometimes the extra family that comes along with a relationship.

So anyway it reminded me of practical magic...
I know it's my fave movie, I can't help it if they had good lines.
So Sally says to her sister as she is considering
what to do about said absent beau.
"What would you do?"
Her sister replys,
"Oh Sal what wouldn't I do for the right guy?"

There it is... 
it's romantical right?
That's the feeling though if we allow ourselves to feel when we are deeply touched by someone.  When we can't imagine our lives without them.
When we think of them, want to be with them, want to experience the world with them.

Once a lover flew over 2000 miles with a ring and an idea of forever,
landed on my door step and I said of course....
one of the most romantic things EVER!
FOND memories of that day, I'd met the one!
One time I was so sprung for someone that I bought tickets to a Melissa Ethridge concert
made an entire box of cake and only baked one cupcake,
frosted it, stuck a candle in it,
picked my crush up, went to the concert,
and before we left the car lit the candle and said
Happy Birthday.
That was just for a crush!

I had a boy friend in highschool that would make me tapes of his favorite music.
I had a boyfriend that walked 3 miles one way to visit me almost daily.
I have turned a screened room into a resturant atmosphere
and shared poetry.

I have given incredible massages lasting for hours just to relieve my partners stress.
I have planned picnics,
Made love on the side of a river,
I have written my feelings on parchment and embossed them in gold
so they would be forever available.
I have run baths and added oils,
Baked cookies, made favorite meals,
taken walks along wooded trails.
I have spent time camping
being loved under the treetops in God's land.

Spent long hours swimming and kissing and swimming some more.
I have studied the sacred texts of love making
you figure that out!

I have made love on rose petals, even caught a pillow on fire accidentally!
I have stayed up into the wee hours holding someone so they could cry their pain out.
I have been strong and trusted in my love when it seemed my life was falling apart.
I have reached down deeply and stood in power and authority and passion
when my partner felt weak.

I have cried and dealt with the loss of the one.

See What wouldn't I do?
For the right one?
It may always seem like each person IS the right one,
I treat them as if this is true.
Because they deserve it, and so do I.
Logic is a great tool...
it makes little sense when applied to love and passionate subjects.
We need it at times if things take a freaky turn...
I LOVE LOVE, it's true!

My life would have been pretty bland without these experiences.
Pretty empty.

So here is the point....
If you have love...
If you really have love,
there is always a way.
Fear only comes to challenge
how much we are willing to love.

The passionate nights under the stars, in the woods,
at home,
in the office,
wont happen if we waste all of our time applying logic to
every aspect of those we love.

If you think someone is not right for you
then do what you have to do.
Just try not to let fear win out
when its Love in the balance...
Love is really the thing we have that is all ours,
to feel,
to experience,
to give,
to recieve.

For those of you hiding from Love
STOP playing small and 
LOVE someone!
And to my friend that I love dearly...

Sunday, November 25, 2012

Soul Retreats

For the past couple of weeks without really being aware of it... Spirit, my soul, and my life have been calling me to a place of inner calm and quiet...
to a place of retreat.

It's one of the busiest times of the year.
Family, food, travel....
TO DO lists of all kinds.
Yet I am being called to remove myself from the hectic parts of life in the 
time of the year most people want the most from us.

If I am honest with myself, and you...
I am usually called this time of the year to begin to get my life in order.
To begin to contemplate the new year,
to discover what I want to bring into my life 
with the promise of renewal.
 For me this is a largely singular path.
I do not have a life partner with which to plan the big things in life.
Which all in all isn't so bad.
It means that I am able to sink deeply into who and what I am and really take a look at myself and my life...
once again; 
it's not so bad.

There was a time that I would be panicking to be visualizing my life
without a significant other in it...
Alas this isn't the path I walk right now so in many ways
I haven't been here before.
Scary eh?
It could be if I chose to listen to that side of things,
I'm actually more interested in what I may find
standing on my own
just like the turtle above.
He has manatee to the left and right of him in this picture,
yet he is shining his brightest energy
by just being present in the sun,
 solidly standing on his branch.

So here I am,
taking time away from facebook and telephones, and texting...
do you remember the world when there wasn't some bell or reminder going off?
Or how about the feeling that you aren't being seen if someone isn't texting you or reading your facebook page, or any social media for that matter.
Which is definitely another story for another time.
 So here I am.
Coming up for air for the first time in months it feels like.
Studying anything that is not mundane.
Using Reiki for 2 and 3 hours at a time.
Practicing Tantra to remind myself I am alive.
Visiting my favorite state park. 
Planning to invite a few friends for x-thegame near Winter Solstice.
Annointing with oil again and again....
journaling, meditating, staying quiet...
meeting myself again.
And apparently blogging just because I felt like it.
If you are being asked to take a step back it is time to do it...
believe me it is worth the time and effort...
the new year comes whether we are prepared or not.
This year I plan to be as magically and fruitfully prepared as I can be.
Reiki Blessings my friends!

Sunday, November 18, 2012


Like this dock on the lake I live on...
Many people are only hovering over the deep emotional waters that 
hold sadness, loss, loneliness, 

Because the veneer of our lives
call for us to be put together, strong, productive, and above all...
People tend to get away with not dealing with their pain.

A veneer is only a thin surface of covering,
it doesn't take much to happen in everyday life to scratch
or tear a hole in the flimsy sheen
that we portray to the world and ourselves.

Because many of us don't want to face our pain
each and everytime something happens to shred our flimsy veneer coating
we think the world has ended...
it hasn't ended...
this time is no worse than the last time
it's just that this time
if you pay attention
you can CHOOSE to dive into
the pain and confusion and decide to heal,
it does not have to define you.
 People in my life right now are dealing with some pretty difficult grief and loss.
Most likely they thought they had already dealt with it.

Once in this life did I feel the loss and grief of that loss so poignantly
that I was unable to breathe fully for months.
I was 16.
In approximately a 6 month time frame I lost
8 people, I moved to a new town, and was introduced to a new highschool.
One of those people was the love of my life,
he was my first everything,
and I thought we would
always be together.

I remember the day when I walked into the house,
it was the first day in months I felt normal,
only to have my mother call me to listen to the message a friend had left me,
the love of my life was dead, in a car accident...
I remember she said "I'm so sorry"
No one could reach me,
the air left my lungs and I swear I fought for air for years after that.
For a long time I didn't care if I lived or died.

If I wanted to I could sink down into those memories and allow them to define my life.
For a long time they did define me.  
it was the air and the water and the earth that I saw
I believed in nothing....
I remember.

It is because of these things and more in my past that people thank me still to this day, years 
after I have worked with them.
When counseling and medication, and years of time has passed and still nothing has given them relief until the 
intimate work we do together.

I am not saying these things to brag about the clawing I did to get
myself out of the grave I dug for myself...
I am saying these things because sometimes we just need someone that has been there,
in the dark,
feeling the walls caving in around them; to guide us to a place where there is light.

The pit of depravity, pain, loss, betrayal, self indulgence is limitless.
It is a place where devils dwell,
secret whispers meant to sap us of our genius and life live there.

Great Shamans, Healers, Seers, Priests, Priestesses
walk these worlds with a type of compass.
A compass that is forged from their own souls gold
held up to the fires of their Creator.
The compass is shaped by experience, trial and error,
Pain, sadness, loss
and also

You see my loves we are only as shattered as we believe ourselves to be.

There is only darkness if we accept that.
As long as there is breath left in your body you have a choice to make
decisions that serve the light within you and the light
that exists within your world.

Many people want to come to a path like Reiki, Religion, the Tao....
they want it to be a quick fix,
a way to skate over the things they have come to dread about their own lives.

The path to healing lies in all of the foul forrests of fairytales,
not in believing they exist,
but in shining light in them and understanding they were never there in the first place.

Yes it is painful when we lose someone,
whether they walk out of our life,
or whether they are plucked from existence...
and when the pain bears down upon us and forces the very air from our lungs with it's weight...
there is a moment before the next breath
that our Creator enters us,
and when we would choose to end our existence and breathe no more...
when we would beg to have the pain end...
in that moment your very Creator breathes your body for you.

You may not know it...
you may argue the point...
but I know
that through all the pain of my life...
if it had been left to me
most likely I would not be here...
That is why my Loves....

I am lucky...
 my Creator saw fit to ask me to stay,
and I did because I knew no other way.
You see
had I not been here,
had I not touched lives in just my way;
who really knows what would have happened.

can do this,
I am not better or worse,
each day
each moment
each breath 
is your opportunity
to allow
yourself to fulfill 
your own story,
to create your own jewels
to live and love

Even through the clouds...
there is light.

Monday, November 5, 2012

 "Our most basic emotional need is not to fall in love but to be genuinely loved by another, to know that grows out of reason and choice, not instinct.  I need to be loved by someone who chooses to love me, who sees something in me worth loving.  That kind of love requires effort and discipline.  It is a choice to expend energy in an effort to benefit the other person, knowing that his or her life is enriched by your effort, you too will find a sense of satisfaction- the satisfaction of having genuinely loved another.  In fact, true love cannot begin until the in-love experience has run it's course."

~This is a quote taken from the book the 5 love languages written by Gary Chapman.~

I've been feeling this and talking about this for years.  The funny thing is that people want to have that jazzed up feeling sometimes far more than they want the grounded kind of love that comes from years of building foundations in the heart.  The jazzed up in-love feeling is intoxicating.
Who doesn't want that?

When the bubbles seem to dry up in the champagne...
When suddenly we are criticizing someone more than we are edifying them...
When we notice the imperfections more than the beauty...
When sex becomes an effort and a chore...
When we forget our happiness is our own responsibility and become
angry because our partner no longer makes us feel whole...

This is the time to make your choice.
Because it isn't about falling out of love with them, it is about
falling out of love with YOU!

Love is the reason we are here as far as I can tell...
relationships in family, 
our fellow humans...
Our lives matter

How we speak and act carries weight.
How we treat our loved ones is
incredibly telling of how we feel about ourselves.
When you are stressed do you take it out on those closest to you?
Do you take responsibility to keep a holy and loving space between 
yourself and those you love?

When you witness your loved one in a stressful state do you
find compassion?
Do you offer support?
Are you ready and waiting with a humble heart
and a kind and listening ear?

 The holidays are coming.
Some people dread this time of year due to family difficulties.
It is times when we are most uncomfortable,
times when we mess up the most,
times when we are out of control that hold our very souls to the 
deep fire of God and our Creator.
It is that fire that brings up deep emotion for us to know ourselves more deeply...

It isn't a time to blame ourselves for all of our limitations, misunderstandings, selfish behaviors, and 
all around unsavory actions...

It is the time to identify all the things in you that bar you from loving and being loved.
When we experience that moment that we want to shrivel up and never allow anyone close to our hearts again.  When we protect and feel afraid it is
the most pivital of moments for us...
Do we recognize our need to pull away, to cocoon, to hide, as
a rest our soul is asking for, or is it deeper than that?

To be available to be loving and to truly love someone you must 
be willing to love yourself, imperfect as you may be.
Forgive yourself, imperfect as you may be.
Choose to have quality in each relationship you put effort in.

Quality of love
Quality of earnestness
Quality of honor
Quality of peace
Quality of safety
Quality of steadfastness.

This is how we emerge the butterflies of our lives.
This is how we connect to the beauty of everything and live a meaningful life.
To love is a gift not a curse.

If you read this, maybe this year, if you don't already do this....
perhaps this year you will become love in the face of anything family, friends, or partner bring your way.

As you work with your practice of Reiki and being present in this moment....
remember that your loved ones don't always remember that
they are loved.
They don't always remember that they are deserving of love.
They don't always remember that they 
forgot how to be loving.

Remember that being loving and kind and gentle is NOT about getting what you want.
Love is about being available to walk hand in hand with your loved ones.
Love is gracious.
Love is solid.
Love does not waiver in a storm.
Love does accept everyone and everything.
Love says bring me your uglies and your woes
and I will hold you and them too.
Love says I understand
Love says I am sorry
Love says
I never want to know my life without your face in it.
Love recognizes itself in everything.