Friday, November 27, 2009

Loving what was, and is, and will be!

Here we are again... Thanks-giving just hours past and Christmas comming round the bend. Here we are rushing, laughing, playing, creating, cleaning, living... Here we are.

The New year is the most incredible day for me. I prepare in the wee months of each year to welcome in an even better year then ever before. I have spent many years cutting magazine pictures for the vision board of the comming year, hours of meditation, prayful reading, soulful journaling... even some lucious chocoholic activity seems to sneek in.

This year is even more poiniant for me. I am starting this year alone. For the first year since 1996 I am a single woman. That is not to say that I dont have loves in my life or even lovers... people that love and adore me... people I love and adore, but this year I am not tied down to the identity of being the other half of a relationship... or a committment... I am just me... This year I am committed to being wholeness... or halfness... or in a relationship with myself that I intend will bedazzle and electrify self love... self adoration... a lucious and juicy loving of myself the way only I can give to me. This year I inted that I will not only allow myself to meet my needs but I will enjoy the path with my lovers, loves, friends, family... but most of all with my solitude... with myself.

I have been incredibly lucky to have found this fabulous artist and I wanted to share her work with you. This is how I see loving of others and of myself... the energy moving around and through me. This is how I believe it should be... how I know it to be... These illustrate the incredible world of energy loving and healing....

ARTIST is: Julia Watkins

Breathing Reiki into my being through my energetic centers I am open to this new year and to the ending of what has pasting... Breathing and moving energy through my body and my heart center I am thankful for all the lovers, and all the love that have always filled my life and I so look forward to the even deeper and more inspiring life that is unfolding even as I write this.

I can't wait to share even more... freedom!

Thursday, November 12, 2009

The Hermit

The archetype of the Hermit has been with me since I was very young.

Perhaps it was the distance that was created by a mother that was not completely whole. Perhaps it was the underlying expectation of perfection and constant striving to prove she was better than those around her, simply because she felt so lost within... so utterly useless and meaningless. Perhaps her own upbringing with a distant mother and alcoholic father created the holes within her that she strived to fill with the appearance of being perfect... of having it all. Finally, when my mother really met her children and realized there was an individuation process that didn't really fit into her idea of how life should "look", her idea that children should be seen and not heard and always do what she wanted them to, perhaps it was that moment that the Hermit came to me.

It was in my very formative years that I understood that my comfort and safety did not come from my own mother... that I had to look elsewhere... it began the lifetime lesson of lacking trust in those people outside myself. Very young I retreated within myself to a world filled with psychic abilities, the realm of the Fey, to a world that illustrated what was unseen was more real and evident to me than what words fell from the lips of mere mortals, or what i could see with my own two eyes.

As my life unfolded I kept my own counsel. Yet I also wanted so badly to be loved that I put myself in many dangerous situations. I never felt that I was worthy of this world. I felt different, broken, and wrong. I spent time alone... even when I surrounded myself with other people. I had become so adept at reading the energies around others and being what they wanted me to be, that I never had to feel as though they could see my pain and lack of worth, I learned to be a safe and strong place for the people that I loved. Knowing for them that they were completely worth the time and energy I was spending... knowing that they deserved to feel whole and safe, yet somehow I never felt met... all my hoping and knowing took a back seat to their own lack of ability to step beyond their boundaries and pain. The Hermit has always whispered in my ear... keeping to myself... keeping my own counsel... taking time away from the world to stop the feeling of rawness that being with other people had seemed to cause me to feel.

The shadow principles of the Hermit are to hide and be anti-social just to keep you safe.
As I have grown through my years... I have come to the precipice of learning my worth many times. Coming to the logical reasons that I "should" love myself, the Hermit is the part of my archetypel community that I take solace in. Giving myself time to hear my own thoughts... and I honor this. Also, I have had the great and wonderful opportunity to embrace a beautiful community of friends that have become a much kinder mirror than the keeping of my own counsel can be at times.
Even so I found myself waking up in the throes of feelings of fear this morning. Fear of my individuality, fear of my spirituality, fear that my talents are wasted working a 9-5 job.... fear of everything that is and is not happening in my life right now. I had a moment of such pristine reality when I began to dutifully question myself about the voices screaming at me of my incompetance, that my breath held still within and without me. It was a moment of clarity unlike any I have had in quite awhile... and in the yawning chasm of fear that threatened to swallow me up whole, I realized that I am still finding a way to love and accept myself. Layer by layer.
All these years of knowing the worth of strangers, clients, family, and co-workers; I am still uncovering my own worth layer by layer. As I continuously dismantle archaic thought patterns and behaviors that have long ago ceased to be important to anyone but my own ego, I have thought that I am oh so much further along than I had been. The Hermit was there, enticing me into that safe place hidden behind a waterfall of healing waters. To the safe cave within me that gives me rest and serenity... the one place where my thoughts, emotions, and spirit can rest... the place where eternal truth dwells because I am silent enough, still enough, sacred enough to become available to my own connection with divinity.

The hermit archetype has been my friend, my mentor and my security for many years and I honor that archetype for it's shadow self and for it's brilliant shining light. I honor the silence that The Hermit reminds me to take within myself to become centered and clear in my experience of life and divinity. I honor the knowledge and energy of this archetype within my life. I also honor the moment when the Hermit backs away from me encouraging me to feel the sun on my face again and experience life with more zeal and acceptance than ever before.
Each journey into the sacred cave brings more beauty and awareness and a greater yearning to become that which I so readily see in others. To recognize and feel the eternal light that shines within my own soul... that is my journey today... tomorrow.... on and on... eternal.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

As if no one had ever touched her before...

Imagine if you can a brilliant love affair with beauty, sweetness, innocence, loyalty, and unyielding love. A relationship so pure of intention, so genuinely connected that it dwarfs any challenge in it's path. Now imagine that you are in that precious relationship... imagine if you can, allowing your divine goodness to shine in any relationship you have; unhindered by any pain, hurt, or frustration.

It seems that I have so many different directions to go with this months writing that I may just not know where to begin. Perhaps that is the best place to begin. It is so very easy these days to be pulled away from listening to our own intuition and connection to Spirit with the responsibilities that loom around the corner. The holidays and activities of daily living can require so much energy as we juggle the weight of our world and everyone else's too.
I have to say that Reiki is my blessing and my great teacher as October has been a month full of challenges and opportunities for growth. My daily practice of Reiki does give me a stable center to build my life and thoughts around. I will be forever grateful for that gift.

This month I wanted to make an offering to you. I am asking you to get a little out of your comfort zone and really choose to see yourself and your precious heart if you can. Whether you are a Reiki practitioner or not, doing mirror exercises can assist you in building intimacy and compassion for yourself.

Often we have more compassion for a stranger than we do for our own hearts. Your challenge if you wish to accept it is to get in front of a mirror. A mirror large enough that you can see yourself, that you can really notice yourself and all aspects about you. Your eyes, hair, your shape, your hands.... everything.

So often we want attention from our families and lovers, living our lives wishing to be seen, or at least feel as though we are being seen... that maybe someone actually cares about us. Wanting to feel special... yet our inner dialog often is set around how we are not measuring up to what we think we should be doing.

So get a chair and take some time to sit in front of a mirror. Place your lovely hands upon your heart and really breathe. Allow your lungs to fill fully with gorgeous fresh air and gaze into your own eyes. Really look at yourself. Pay attention to how you feel, what you like and dislike about yourself, and keep breathing. This is some of the most intimate work a person can do because you are actually giving yourself your hearts desire... YOU are consciously choosing to see yourself, to pay attention, and to make yourself very special for these private moments.

You are answering your own prayers with this exercise. While gazing into your own eyes say "I love you, I really love you... and I am happy you are here." and then imagine if you can, that no harm or pain had ever existed in your life. Imagine that the person you are gazing at has only ever been touched, loved, and cared for by love and peace. Feel your innocence fill you as a sense of wonder and peace. Then breathe deeply and take in the good feelings. Using a journal with this exercise can assist you in clearing out any negative thought patterns you may be having. Just keep repeating "I love you" and breathe in that precious feeling of truly being loved. You will be surprised how much more energy and patience you have when your own prayers are fully answered! As a Reiki practitioner you can use this exercise and add Reiki Beaming to it to deepen the healing process.

Have fun and let me know how it goes!