Saturday, September 22, 2012

Releasing for Increasing

It is amazing to me how much discomfort my body can hold at times.  It is equally amazing to me how comfortable my body can feel at times.  I find myself reflecting on all of the little cells in my body, or anyone's body for that matter, and the agreement that humans have somehow made to experience pain.

If I have learned anything all these long years of journeying my own path it is that the body follows the mind.  I have been meditating recently on the first original hurt or pain of creation.... I am certain that whatever being experienced this was the beginning of the creation of matter, to seriously ask the question "why" and to experience the "why not" of everything.

We could certainly go into all the possibilities of religion or indigenous beliefs, how the world began and all the truly terrible things the human race has somehow done to DESERVE to suffer.  None of this really resonates with me, so I won't spend much time here; other than to say racial memory and stories of humans defining pain are most probably the reason people expect to feel pain, go through suffering, and actually sometimes welcome it into their lives without even knowing it.  In fact some people even believe the no pain no gain sayings of the world.

Here is what I believe though...  I believe that the creator of everything created, well, everything and that means me and you too.  I believe that the act of coming from a place where everything is... and I do mean IS; and coming to a place of experience where needs exist, is most probably the greatest reason for the experience of pain and suffering.  Some people believe we must experience loss to experience gain, hate for love, sadness for happiness... I understand this thought process.  Yet as I follow this meandering path I call my life I am beginning to be aware of glimpses that this thought process isn't necessarily the truth, but it certainly holds a mind in bondage.  The separation from the creator is the only thing that makes any sense to me as I discover myself, and experience what appears to feel painful.  The feeling that I am outside of something, lost to something, or just outside of something has been with me as long as I can remember.

Fibromyalgia is one of those processes that simply does not make sense to the medical community.  Yet humans are disabled by this, actually disabled.  I was told 3 years ago that yoga, meditation, and stress reduction were the best ways to deal with the discomfort.  More recently there have been programs on television saying that they can actually map fibro in the brain. (that's a whole different posting in the future)As far as I can tell the consensus on Fibromyalgia is that of a confused nervous system.  Honestly does that surprise any of you?

We live in a world where yelling at someone is for their own good, where getting what we want before someone else gets what they NEED is accepted practice.  A world where in most workplaces the administration prefers the workers to be in fear or at least off balance so that the employees behave and do as they are told.  Our world even holds belief systems we are told come from God/Creator in which punishment means love, being afraid of said Creator is of benefit and puts us in our place, and where people of one sex or another are judged as less than and punished for the misconduct of being born at all!

Is it any wonder that the nervous system of some people has become scrambled and actually causes pain when there is nothing to be painful about? Sad instead of happy, achy instead of comfortable, stiff instead of pliant, even at the best times of life? 

I had an incredible body-working session of the Raindrop Technique kind yesterday evening and I am in more pain and having more stiffness than I have in months.   I find that a quandary which is why I am posting this morning.  Now all of you healers out there will begin to list all the possible reasons for this phenomena and I will most likely agree with all of you, at the same time it is the actual act of feeling the discomfort when one would assume I would be feeling better that I write about today... as this affects many people these days.

So what does this Reiki Master Teacher do about these moments? I get real, I blog apparently, I sit up straight and I allow whatever feelings and emotions are moving within and around me.  I recognize that it is the Autumn equinox this weekend and that the energies are higher than other times.  I realize that we are coming into a time of gratitude and examine my own graciousness or lack of graciousness.  I realize the deeper healing of Karuna Reiki will be of benefit and that going to the meditations that come deep from the roots of Reiki are of benefit.  I clear my own energy and ask that anything that belongs to another is taken away from my own feeling.  I give myself permission to be.  I find essential oils that resonate with me, and I search for the place that my heart center may be shutting down.  I support my own process. AND I rest when I need to rest and I move when I need to move... I allow discomfort the option to become comfort, and ... I BREATHE.... what about you?

Monday, September 10, 2012

Heart Matters

I have recently become single again.

I know, when break ups occur there are usually tears, hurt feelings, why's and why not's.
There can be blame and anger... and some more blame.

Depending on the situation there is moving in or moving out
leaving or being left.
There can also be an eerie silence that starts to surround your whole being as the
energy of the relationship is released, and your
heart begins the process
of mending.

I feel it is the eerie silence that gets most people.

Not the business of taking care of another
or the wondering about this and that within the context of relationship.
No more filtering words, no more stretching to fill a space that 
most people hope a love will fill.

I guess as I move through releasing relationships it becomes more and more clear to me
that love always is...
there are no take backsies.

There is no "now that we are done I take back every smile, touch, embrace and word
I uttered to you."
There is just the silence of the truth
that this thing just didn't work out.
And if we are really honest with ourselves 
that happens to us everyday.

Driving down the street, or a conversation with a family member or co-worker,
a bid on e-bay, missing a sale at your favorite store,
or someone taking the very last of the one thing you really wanted.

I'm choosing not to make the mistake of thinking or feeling that
the not working out has anything to do with me as a lover,
friend, sweetheart, or spirit.  Just as I would not believe that I was less of a person because
froyoz ran out of Georgia Peach yogurt.

Now don't get me wrong I am examining myself as a lover and sweetheart; I believe that is
very healthy and worthy of searching my heart.

It is always the well-meaners that come soon after and say things like "I hope you will wait to start a new relationship." and "I think you need time alone."

I say thank you to those of you who have come forward with love and sweetness
to help me remember that I must take care of myself.

Also, I remind myself,
that I can only love and grow in love as much
as I am willing to have my heart cracked open.
It is only with understanding of 
the ways of love, my views of love, and the seeming loss of love
that I have found an ability to believe in love.

Each time it appears my heart is broken I 
am beginning to notice less pain and far more joy.
I am learning to love at deeper levels
and honestly
what can be a kinder gift to give myself than to choose to be certain that I
have been made to love and be loved...
one way or the other.

What can be a kinder gift to your departing partner than to meet them with grace and understanding
and forgo blame and pain?
After all no one ever means to hurt the one they love...
Most people only want to feel loved too.

Why can I not choose to end a relationship
in the same energy that it started?
The energy of Love.