Reiki began it’s soft and gentle whispers as I worked in a nursing home in Klamath Falls Oregon. A nurse there practiced the healing art, I had never heard of it before and didn’t think too much of checking it out due to my interests at the time. I was involved in a spiritual group that didn’t really encourage newcomers or information gleaned from outside sources. One day after reporting this particular spiritual group to the authorities for inappropriate actions, I remember hearing the state patrol officer telling me “You stay away from anything like this, especially that Reiki stuff.” It makes me giggle now when I remember those days.
I did heed his warning, I stayed away from any kind of spirituality for a couple of years as I began a lengthy healing process for PTSD. Reiki kept finding it’s way to me however, through articles on healing, conversation, and the constantly repeating word Reiki in my mind. When I finally gave in to the call to study Reiki it was through continuing education in nursing. I actually thought I went to the class to prove how impossible Reiki and hands on healing could be! I went armed with my logic, practicality, and nursing background, and none of that prepared me for the incredible and healing experience I was offered by Reiki and the universe.
You see, in my mind I had lost the ability and the space to welcome spirit into my life or my experience. I had no trust and I had no belief. I had become bitter and egotistical about anything that had to do with spirituality or spiritual teachers. Spirit had whispered to me my entire life, yet I slammed the door down and refused to ever open it again. The attitude served me well as I really did need the wall of protection that my small-minded beliefs were giving me at the time. In fact I had lost the space for anything in my life, no space for goodness, comfort, relationships, and very little space to be a good mom; my perceived wound took over my life and I was utterly depressed and bereft at the time I took my first in person Reiki class.
Little did I know but through the years Reiki had been making space for itself inside my life. I believe that I had been called as an intermediary in which people found peace and comfort as they shared their concerns and hurts, My children were toddlers when I went to nursing school, I was young and confused, and in many way a broken person. I didn’t believe in myself and often used other people’s opinions of me to define myself; the problem was everyone around me was invested in my failure including me. After I came to Florida I felt lost and alone. That is when Reiki called me to a continuing education class in Tampa Florida. My life changed that weekend, Reiki powerfully moved disbelief, pain, and years of hurt just enough to take a firm hold on my heart. Many miracles came into my life that weekend and I can't wait to tell you about them!
This is the second in three articles about Reiki creating space stay tuned for more!
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Sunday, May 1, 2011
With even 11 years of Reiki practice under my belt I still find myself looking at my own re-creation in my life and the spiritual path that Reiki has become for me. When Reiki called to me in my 30’s. My focus at that time was getting my life in order and healing the many things I felt were “wrong” with me. I was a mother of young children, a life partner, a nurse, and a survivor of PTSD, among other things.
Reiki found me and I began to put the many shattered pieces of myself into order. Even as I struggled through my own mind and judgments; Reiki was there, gently guiding me. In some times it had been the only place I found solace.
Now as June approaches I find myself approaching the age of 40. Many people love to tease their family and co-workers about being over the hill and washed up, yet I don't view it this way. At this point in my life I am still a mother of early 20 something children, I am a partner to a sweet and very kind lover, I remain a survivor of PTSD, and although I have added massage therapist, clinical hypnotist, and qi gong instruction to my tool box I am still getting my life in order. And each wrinkle and line, each change to my body and sometimes to my mind are evidence of the lessons I have learned and the loves that I have shared and sometimes lost, but each moment has created who I am today and my capacity to forgive on even deeper levels myself and those who may have wronged me in some way in my life.
The one thing that has changed however is the thought process that something is “wrong” with me and that I am broken or malfunctioning. What I identified as sick and wrong so long ago I now realize is the action of war within my own being, and I am happy to say that I no longer consider myself the kind of warrior willing to berate or malign the temple of my body or mind with unkind thoughts and words. I have laid down my weapons of sharp edged thought and piercing memories, I have put to sleep the idea of remaining in a barred cold prison built seemingly by my parents and life’s early experiences; when in truth it was only real because I believed it could be. Because I never knew another way.
I have unknowingly begun to create the space for God to dwell deep within me. With each feeling that clutches my heart, each thought that twists my stomach; I know the kindest thing is to gently nudge the truth out from the fear that still lives in the cells of my body. To allow the light to shine upon the things that my own mind lovingly buried so that I should not suffer deeply and daily for the travesties and hurt that had been my past. As I move gently through the process I have begun to invite the light, and the Creator of the light, even deeper into my life experience.
The practice of Reiki is still my tried and true friend and confidant. A place to find solace and peace, a place that can never cause any harm. Reiki is a place that nurtures the gentle and kind practice of less worry, less anger and of kindness to the self.
This is the first of 3 articles of Creating Space with Reiki, more to come…