Friday, June 22, 2012

I am learning

I am learning.

Isn't that a precious gift? 
Learning never ceases and no matter where you find yourself there are many lessons, many opportunities.

As I take a breath here I find myself glad to be where I am now, the past 6 years have been 
rather difficult.

I am learning.

At the surface of the lessons I have picked up the last few years I have learned that
I certainly can live through a loved ones suicide attempts.
I have learned that no matter what a parent wishes for a child...
ultimately their life is theirs and that is exactly how things 
were made to happen.
I can function even with severe physical pain.
That even in the most heinous of circumstances, forgiveness gives life
and healing to families that many people never thought
could happen.

Yes I am learning.

I have also learned that Reiki Masters have their own issues!
Who knew?

I have discovered that one of my blind spots was my own health.
I was operating upon the false assumption that a daily Reiki practice would and SHOULD
fix any ill.
I falsely held the belief that if I do enough good then I wont ever suffer and I won't ever get sick, and my life will somehow be magically easy.

Guess what I learned!

I learned that even a Reiki Master can be diagnosed with fibromyalgia, tachycardia, anemia, and have a diabetes scare.


It does indeed happen.

In my fervent and passionate need to save the universe, run a business, make ends meet, heal my child,  get my kids graduated from highschool, be a mom,
be a kind and loving partner, hold a space of safety and grace for my clients and students,
 work a 40 hour work week, be a positive mentor,
live my talk....
I somehow left me out of the equation
even though I believed I was fully 100%
in said equation...

Well I have never been a math wiz!

I learned about pain
I learned about limitation of body and mind
I learned about loss of partners
I learned about checking out of life and using medications
I learned about the victim archetype
I learned about focus
I learned about allowing love into my heart
I learned about finding the light within people that forget their own light, and to feel okay even when they seem to prefer not to feel or see or experience their own light
I learned to seek my own light
I learned that EGO can be as positive a healing force as it can be destructive.
I learned that a diagnosis is not who I am,

And I learned that no matter how many times I seem to be knocked to the ground
I still have faith and trust in God, Spirit, and the quiet and passionate good of the 

I have learned a great deal these past few years and that the wisdom of the Universe is indeed
guiding my life whether my definition of success happens or not.

I have also learned from the wisdom that is embedded
deep in the cells of my being.

For a moment,
I simply forgot, 
you know...

I forgot that 
my good is at my own fingertips
I forgot that 
my hands heal others
and in that truth
my own hands
are indeed 
source of relief and a haven of peace
for me!

I forgot that I 
am a healer of me
I forgot that I am a source of
light on the planet,
I forgot that
I too
am just as
as any child, family member, friend, or client.

And now 
I remember!
I remember to choose me
and as I do
things fall
simply into place.

I love that I am raising my head again
to shine my light
and to be a positive
presence on 
this planet everyday
wherever I am.

Healing is not something that exists outside of any experience
and Reiki is an incredibly useful tool
in personal healing, even if
we consider healing to be the complete annihilation of disease,
we will often find that
healing is also the allowing of what is,
and the granting of peace
in the midst of the thing
that seems to be less
that peaceful, even in the midst of the thing
we may judge as evil, terrible, and unwholesome to our life.
The very thing that seems to steal our peace like a thief in the night.
Remaining in the center of 
my being is what gives me peace...
and it is what I am meant to learn
by the offering of chaos in my life.

No one ever told me that someday I would have a simple life, 
an easy life filled with nothing but bliss...
I thought if I was a good girl I would find that
just like a fairytale.

Who we are in each moment is a testament
to our faith, our love, and our connection
to eachother...
my actions define me far more than my words do.

I am a healer of me,
I am a shiner of light,
I remember my love of God
I remember my love of me,
and my love of you!

Happy Reiki Dreams and Love!


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