Monday, May 6, 2013

Letting go

 One thing I have always used this blog for is to use my own personal
experiences to illustrate how to use Reiki and other techniques during challenging times.
That sweet puppy is Elijah.

Eli was a fantastic wonderful boy who I enjoyed very very much.
Eli was also ill and recently he went to doggy heaven,
I still catch myself trying to get home to let him out,
then I realize he is with God.
I know he is also with me.
 A very important pattern in my life is my ability to again and again make some really
tough decisions, to let go of people that are unable to  be
a positive influence in my life.

Setting boundaries for loved ones is not simple, it is not always cut and dry, and it is
truly the most incredible lesson in intimate self care that I have really ever experienced.
We all have loved and lost.

We have lived and even felt as though with the loss of loved ones that we have died a little.
Loss is one of the most meaningful character building experiences that a person can have.
We can be dragged down under the weight of it and drown in the pain,
or we can somehow make a choice to find a speck of light and focus on it.

Recently I began to feel shame regarding the many experiences I have had in my life that have 
ended in loss, loss of innocence, loss of identity, loss of strength, and due to some of those experiences
such confusion that I was really unable to understand or feel that I had the ability to choose.
I was a good girl and did what I was told, believed what I was told, and never questioned if I should listen.
I have not felt shame about my past in years.  
I have come to understandings that have led me to understand why some people do suffer life experiences
such as I have had,
and how successfully moving through them creates love, patience, and understanding for those
who have had similar experiences.
 I am completely humbled by the gift the Elijah has given me to once again
face reality and to choose the best and highest good for him and for me.
To feel certain it was the right thing to do.
Some people can not accept that somethings must be done,
some people would make different decisions,
that is OK too.
This short life Eli shared with me taught me so much about love and acceptance.
His departure from this dimension caused me to search for even deeper faith,
challenged my faith,
and allowed me to feel deep and hidden shame for the parts of my past that are yet unhealed.

How does this have anything to do with Reiki?
Again... for me everything has to do with Reiki.

With judgement, especially judgement from loved ones can come pain.
The confusing thing is that we make an error and think that the loved one is trying to hurt us.
Often we stay confused and hurt about it and never look deeper.
I have been practicing and learning from Reiki for 13 years now.
I have learned through daily application,
through persistence,
through self challenge that rarely is the surface thought the real issue.
Through allowing Eli to rest and through 
releasing people from my life and inviting others in
the past 3 months have really cut deeply into the other layers of
my psyche that were not ready to heal.

What I now know is that living the way someone else thinks I should is an error.
I have learned that the pattern of being a good girl still exists within me and deserves some healing attention.
I have learned that other people don't have to understand me, it's not a requirement.
I am re-learning that judgement is a form of abuse and I do not have to tolerate it in my life.
I have awakened to my own power... not as a mother, or a friend, or a lover
but simply as a human.
I have re-committed myself to Reiki, teaching, and learning.
I have re-committed to myself before anyone or anything else.
This is a fundamental and precious honor I do myself.
Reiki functions as the back bone and as the laser scalpel that slices deeply
into the very things that must be healed to be whole and to 
serve myself and my community.

It is with this deepest work that I truly honor
my partner,
my children,
my grandchildren,
my mother,
my ancestors,
my family,
my friends,
my loved ones in Spirit.
Being broken is the easy part,
finding courage to stand up to all the ghosts that made you feel broken
that's the true meaning of
Wholeness, strength, and fortitude.


1 comment:

  1. I love you, Tara...Namaste'.

    I love my Grandpuppy too.